Recovery Post Workplace Abuse: The First Stress Breakdown Continued from Part 1

When I was on the mission field teaching children English as a second language, I had a problem with students cheating on tests.  I used to say that my students didn't know every trick in the book; they wrote the book.  This is how I feel about the mobbing that was taking place.  These people didn't just know every trick in the book, they wrote the hang thing!  I could not protect myself, because I had no idea how people like this think or what they're capable of doing especially if they're in a group which for the purposes of this blog re: workplace bullying is called a mob.  It is well documented that people in a group will instigate each other on and will do these in this group that not one of them would do as an individual.

To say I was naive is an understatement.  I was naive.  I was clueless.  I was a lot of things.  But none of them worthy of the treatment I was undergoing.

*****

As prearranged during my early morning phone call with my supervisor, I started my shift later that day with a meeting with her.  Someone else was getting overtime to cover my shift during the meeting.  This was another dynamic which had been activated quite a while before: I didn't deserve overtime because "anyone could do my job".  This according to one of the mobbers.

In the interim I had written an account of the events of the night before and emailed it to my supervisor:  who was there (there was a witness from another area who apparently was on a friendly basis with the dispatcher), what happened, etc.

By the time I entered the building that afternoon, my supervisor had already bumped this matter up to HR even though she had read my account and verbally acknowledged to me that it really didn't appear to be an issue.  

Again, she wanted to know if I had been going to report this.  I said no, because it was (to me) a personal issue, not a work related one.  I had learned through an earlier experience with this same co-worker that international workplace protocol is that personal or is it interpersonal issues like that are to be solved by the two parties involved and are not to go to management.  There're just not that important.  That is, they're not work related.

Here I hop down a rabbit trail ... or pursue a rabbit trail ... or something ....

I think it's important to the narrative or you, the reader, won't understand why the before described situation would or could provoke a stress breakdown.  Otherwise nothing makes sense.

A digression, but I believe a necessary one.  The same coworker who had initiated this complaint had earlier in our mutual employment history been on a leave of absence.  We had worked together for several years with no problems.  In fact, I thought we had a good relationship with each other.  So what happened to change things?  When she returned, she had changed.  She wasn't the same person I had known and been friendly with.  Our employer was once again shifting things around and this co-worker was now coming in an hour after I left.  So we had no face to face communication. However, she did start sending emails. Things that really weren't important in the scheme of things.  Once I had stapled some paperwork together in the wrong order.  Once.  I replied back and copied our supervisor on that email so she would know what I had said to this co-worker in case it came back to haunt me.  After all, it was a very minor issue.  With a very easy resolution: unstaple the papers, put them in the "correct" order and re-staple them.  Other times, she would duplicate work I had already done which had the potential of confusing the person on the other end of the email chain.  The one responsible for correcting the issue.  Both of these behaviours were disturbing to me because they duplicated the actions of another former co-worker now working in another building in the complex but who had caused us both a lot of stress with the second behaviour. I this email, I reminded my co-worker what it had been like and that it was best if only one of us handled an issue to avoid confusion. I had copied our mutual supervisor on any emails between myself and my co-worker.

Ironically, the same person who didn't like me also despised this particular co-worker and was not shy about sharing her dislike and stories about this person.  I should have known better but I listened to her and believed her.  She was very convincing.  This had a lot to do with my perception of this person and her motives.

Also, in her culture, saving face is a big issue and apparently she felt that I was making her look bad by cc ing emails to our supervisor.

I didn't know that.  I didn't know that this one thing would take on a life of its own.  A life that wasn't going to stop.

For me, though, I was simply setting boundaries.  At this point, I had no idea that this co-worker had been offended.  She never told me.

I had decided though that it would be good to try to get some positive, non confrontational communication going.  Since we did not cross paths at that time because of the timing of our shifts, it was going to have to be via email.  But how to begin?  I had done this with others although not via email using such mutual interests as photography, dance, whatever seemed to fit.  And it had worked well.

There had been some Facebook postings on another co-worker's page re: weight loss.  I had just lost some much needed weight and was thrilled.  This particular co-worker posted on the thread expressing interest.    I was looking at this as a way of building up a relationship with the one coworker as we had a mutual interest in this topic.  As we never saw each other face to face, anything to try to build up relationship was going to have to be by email.  During my shift, I composed the email to this coworker.  It was conversational.  It was focussed on my own weight loss journey.  I was looking forward to a (positive) response from her.

I got a response all right. Ummm.  More of a reaction.  She had forwarded my email describing my personal information to two supervisors.  Ours and the daytime supervisor who was a male.  The daytime supervisor didn't think anything about it.  He thought it was a non issue.  Our supervisor on the other hand decided to make a major issues out of it.

I was summarily called into her office the shift after I sent the email, a Friday.  The day before a long anticipated vacation to Myrtle Beach.

The accusation:  I had used company property i.e. my work computer, using information I'd access outside the company property.

You gotta admit, these people were quite creative.

Our mutual supervisor kept saying that this coworker was angry.  I replied that I was angry too about being hauled into the office when I was trying to build up a relationship.  The supervisor didn't seem to care if I was angry.  The other person's feelings were the only things that mattered.

I've mentioned the of the week because it is important.  The coworker who lodged this complaint worked Sunday to Thursday.  I worked Monday to Friday.  The complaint was lodged and received on a Friday so this coworker was off for the next two days, while I was still in the workplace.  That shift was to be my last for a week, so the supervisor decided instead of waiting to talk to the complainant first decided to take the complaint at face value.  I felt I was being read the riot act.  Frankly, I didn't enjoy it.

I was angry.  I was also hurt.  I was confused.  I was crying.

A course on how to get along with difficult people was being offered.  It was to be held on the day I was to return from my vacation.  I asked the supervisor about attending it as I thought it would be beneficial to me.  (Notice, I'm the one trying to solve things here.  Not the supervisor.  Not the coworker).  She said that there were no funds available.  I indicated that I was willing to pay for the course myself if she would give me the time off.  She never gave me that permission; therefore, I never attended the course.

I told my supervisor that this co-worker and I needed to talk.  That meeting with her to discuss the matter was a non-negotiable.  This never happened. I was told a long time later that thhe co-worker was not re-cept-ive.

Now here I was, a year maybe two later with another complaint which I believed to be frivolous, same co-worker, same dynamic, different supervisor.  Same day of the week.  Same situation.  She's off for the weekend so they're not going to contact her to discuss it with her.  I'm still working, so I'm the one they deal with.  The only difference was that now HR was involved the minute a complaint against me was made.

*****

As I continued researching workplace bullying, trauma and PTSD both during and after the situation ended, I discovered that the events that create the most trauma, the most damage, are those which the person cannot predict or avoid.

For example, during this time, I was out driving when a car pulled out of a local plaza directly in front of me, perpendicular to me in the road with no distance to stop.  Normally I would have screamed and stomped on the brakes - and had a t-bone accident.  However, I remembered what hubby had told me regarding this type of situation.  Don't stomp on the brakes as you won't be able to maneuver the car.  Instead, I jerked the wheel to the left, went into the next lane which was a turn lane only to discover that another driver was approaching me in that lane.  I jerked the wheel hard again.  This time to the right.  I avoided both accidents.  My nerves were shot.  I was shaking.  I was angry.  But no one got hurt.  The driver at fault came back to tell me that was some kind of driving!  I've been able to drive past that area many times since then with no anxiety.  No trauma. No fear that someone is going to pull out directly in front of me. Why?  Because I'd been able to take control and avoid the situation.

In a bullying situation in the workplace, this is not possible.  The target is blindsided again and again.  Over and over.  Trauma ensues.  PTSD follows.