I find myself at a crossroads. There is a straight path forward telling my story from ground zero. Or there are many, divergent rabbit trails which eventually lead to the same point. What should I explore at this point? A straight forward telling of the disastrous end to that bullying and workplace situation? Or diverge into smaller stories that make up the whole lend more understanding to the situation I found myself in? And to a degree, how I found myself in that situation?
Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.
*****
Ok, that's not quite truthful. The part about not having any plans to leave. I didn't want to quit. A) because I'm no quitter. I had always up to that point found a way to solve and resolve things. B) I was in my early 60s and finding a new job at that age is very difficult. C) Money. Loss of income.
Most people would just tell you to leave a bad workplace situation. That it's not worth it to stay. I think I was slowly getting to that point. I was slowly getting to the point where I was trying to figure out what I now know is a "leaving strategy." The problem was that I was trying to figure out a way to leave in which I would not incur further injury. I figured that if I put in my notice, I would leave in silence. That no one would say goodbye or ... God forbid ... give me a card or a party. I would leave as I was working. Unnoticed. Sitting in the corner of the small office we were in which was where my cubicle had been located.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
The bullying had been escalating for four years and was steadily getting worse.
The momentum had been gathering for a long time and had reached the point of unbearable months before.
In fact, things were so bad that my physician had referred me for a psychiatric consult in the hopes that I could get on a leave of absence from the workplace. I'd been waiting for months and still had months more to wait.
That's the way it is here in Canada with socialized medicine. We have good health care, but there are long waiting lines.
The bullies were not stupid. Far from it. They had learned had to use the old maxim "a good offence is the best defence" to maximum benefit.
It's funny had sayings you've heard all your life and never really thought much about, suddenly take on a new meaning and life of their own.
Those who targeted me seemed to know how to take these sayings and give them new life.
I was naive. I could never anticipate their moves and was continually blindsided by them.
Every Friday night, they would get together and order supper. I was not included. I tried to be included. I even initiated the supper one night. However, one of the bullies, the one behind the shared meals, refused to eat with us. Everything I tried didn't work. Hubby would bring me a hamburger, which I would eat alone. If I ate it in the office, they were in the cafeteria sitting right in front of my work station. The one time, I sat at the edge of the table they used, they ate in the office. Originally, after I gave up, I might get myself a coffee from a vending machine and sit with someone I knew from production. I saw the bullies watching every move I made. I have no idea what they were saying amongst themselves, but it didn't seem friendly. Other times, there was one other office type person working at that time in a difference office and I would wander over there and talk with him. It helped make things bearable. Until, one day, they walked into that office and spotted me talking with this co-worker. The next Friday, he was invited to join with them. The Friday night in question in this narrative, I'd been out to lunch with a friend and brought my leftovers with me. I joined them at the empty seat at the end of the table and began eating. I held up my sandwich and said, I'm sure glad I brought this with me. I noticed some "interesting" glances.
Oops!
Finally, I just gave up. That didn't mean that I was happy with the way things were. Or that it didn't hurt to see them eat their pizza, Chinese, etc. right in front of me. It did.
I've mentioned that this was done in front of me. Our office had been sectioned off from the back of the cafeteria and we had windows in front of our work stations so that we could pass the paperwork through to the drivers who were taking our product to the customer. These people usually sat at the table closest to our work station and on the side right in front of me.
I don't know if you can imagine what it's like to have a front row seat to a party that you are deliberately excluded from.
And it is that which caused me to pull out my cell phone one day and take a picture from my work station of the Friday night usual.
I wasn't thinking so much of people but of a situation. I was probably thinking that if someone saw what I was forced to endure every single week from the perspective of my work station that they might think differently about this situation.
These people which were everyone working in the office (not that many as we were an off shift, but still the entire crew) gathered together at the table right in front of my work station so I not only was excluded but had to watch the party to which I was never invited.
I wanted someone to see what I was going through. I wanted someone to realize that this was not appropriate behaviour. I wanted someone to stand up for me.
I am a very visual person. I remembered how my daughter had been in an accident where there was some doubt as to who was at fault, so she took out her cell phone and took pictures of the accident. Where the other person's car was. Etc.
I remembered that. So I took out my cell phone and shot a picture from my work station at what I was forced to endure every Friday evening.
In my mind, I was taking a picture of an occurrence which happened on a regular basis much like my daughter did of her accident.
I took the picture. The cell phone I had at that time made a loud noise. The flash went off. Talk about being blatant! Oops! Heads at the table in front of my work station jerked up. Hoping to avoid whatever, I tried for nonchalant as I turned off my cell phone and put it away.
What I had intended to do with that picture. I'll never really know. Maybe just to show someone what I was forced to endure every single Friday night. How hard it was. I just don't know.
I actually forgot about the picture. I had looked at the pictures on my phone and actually thought it wasn't there as my pictures were all thumbnails and it was hard to discern details.
Five days later, I was called into my supervisor's office and asked if I had taken a picture of my co-workers on Friday night. I said "yes". (Oh! I wish I had learned the fine art of prevarication!)
Apparently, each one of the three co-workers who were involved in this behaviour had wandered into my supervisor's office on the Monday and told her that I had invaded their privacy by taking their picture as I had not asked for their permission.
Remember what I said about The Best Defense Is A Good Offense. In other words, but the opponent off at the pass. Make sure they don't have a chance to get to the goal ... or HR ... or whatever.
As I've indicated, I was naive. I was unable to protect myself from these people simply because I did not think the way they did. I was unaware that people were capable of thinking and therefore doing like these people.
This was immediately bumped up to HR who bumped it up to corporate who decided that it was an invasion of privacy because I had no asked for their permission. I have no idea what HR told corporate.
I do know that they next week, I was called into the supervisor's office and given a written reprimand. I asked for the Union Representative, who was also the Union President, to be present as I (incorrectly as it turned out) assumed that the Union was there to protect the worker from unfair treatment by the company.
I was wrong.
It turns out that the Union Representative knew all about the allegation. From the other side. She did not represent me at that meeting with my supervisor. She vehemently maintained that I had invaded their privacy. The supervisor wanted to know why I had taken the picture when HR had already said that this behaviour for them was OK.
I pointed out that there was no evidence that I had taken a picture at all. At that point, no one had seen it. In fact, I didn't even know that it had taken on my cell phone as I hadn't uploaded anything to my computer in order to see things more clearly.
The supervisor's response: three separate people saw you take the picture; therefore, we have proof. (Not a verbatim quote but an adequate rendition of the response.)
I got the write up.
I think I could have handled that but what I found disturbing was the Union Representative's position and non representation.
That incident occurred eight months before the first stress breakdown.
Up until that point, that meeting with the supervisor and Union Representative in the supervisor's office, I was the healthiest emotionally that I had ever been in my life due to ongoing counselling and hard work on reinventing myself, recovery from the aftereffects of workplace abuse situation #1, which I still did not realize was workplace abuse.
This was the point at which, my downhill slide emotionally began which continued steadily for eight long months.
*****
An aside: I spent a good part of the time intervening between the two meetings with my supervisor researching photography and invasion of privacy. Basically, asking or not asking permission has nothing to do with invasion of privacy. Basically, invasion of privacy has nothing to do with asking permission. It has to do with the expectation of privacy. For example, if you are inside your your own house minding your own business, you have an expectation of privacy. However, if you are on a beach playing volleyball, you are in a public area and don't have the same expectation of privacy. I later discovered that the company we worked for only prohibits pictures taken in areas of cleanliness i.e. the locker rooms and the bathrooms. Expectation of privacy simply doesn't exist in the cafeteria.
Note: It doesn't have to be true. It simply has to be believable.
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