AWOL

Absent WithOut Leave.  The old military term for taking off which has since been replaced in modern times to UA - Unauthorized Absence.  Both mean the same thing.  Both carry the same penalties in the military.

What about being UA in my blog?

What are the penalties?  None discernible in the sense that I'm not going to be hiding from and afraid of the MP (military police).  I'm not in danger of being hauled off to the brig nor am I going to be courtmartialed.

(You can probably guess by now that I'm addicted to such TV shows as NCIS, NCIS New Orleans and NCIS LA - hence the military terminology, references, etc.)

However, being reliable has been part and parcel of my reinvention of my blog since January.  I paired it down to three days a week, changed the name and the tone.  Five days a week was too much, too daunting for me.

Three days a week was more manageable especially since my brain was moving, creativity was bursting forth, words were coming.  Blogs were coming one after the other.  Sometimes more than one in a day.  Sometimes I would have several scheduled in advance.

Life - and my blog - was good.

Until ...

Until my entire life, brain, emotions etc. went  bust over the weekend.

I went from lots of ideas pouring into my mind into a dead spot.  A spot where no creativity flowed.  Where my body screamed "Surrender" in defeat and wanted to lie down and stay down.

It wasn't any one thing.  There was no crisis which happened over the weekend in my life.  In fact, my weekend was pretty good.  Not perfect but good.

It seems to have been a cumulative effect of things past rearing their ugly heads.

Times when I should have been appreciated such as in two workplaces, my family, volunteer work most recently the Humane Society but was not.

I ended up barely able to function, let alone think. 

I went to bed.  And slept.

So I gave myself permission to miss a blog posting.

Which has now turned into two blog postings.

The penalty will be lack of readership.  If my following, even though it's small, cannot trust me to post on those days I've said I will, then they were in all likelihood leave me.

After all, I've done this in the post.  Walked away from my blog posting only to stay away for weeks, months, years.

I told myself this time would be difference.  This time I would be faithful.  This time I would not fail nor fall.

And I did.

They say that success is picking yourself up one more time than you fall.

So I'm picking myself up once again.  Dusting myself off.

I'm here.

I'm alive.

I've picked myself up - once again.

So here is today's blog posting.

I continue to invite you to join me and walk with me in my journey post workplace abuse, with all the ups, downs, successes and failures.  With the continuing fatigue.  With the continuing low moods.  With the continuing victories.

I continue to invite you to not only look past my faults and failures but to even embrace them as part of life.  My life.  Your life.  All our lives.

After all, life is what happens when you have other plans.

Right?

*****

I am needy.  Very needy.  At times.  Sometimes needier than others.  I think it comes along with the territory of recovering from workplace abuse.  From the enforced isolation and exclusion.  Even though these things are seven years in the past, there are times they still come back to haunt me.  This has been one of those times.

I need encouragement on my road to recovery.  I need to feel appreciated.

We all do.

Encourage me.

But most importantly, look at the people closest to you and reach out as only you can and encourage that person today.

And so the journey continues.  One step at a time.  One word at a time.

Life - and my journey of recovery - goes on.