Regaining Me: First Steps

The photo above was taken June 7th, 2017 at a high point in my journey toward reclaiming my life post workplace abuse on the #GCCCanada when I mastered what is known locally at the Lancaster Hill - a personal nemesis and challenge.  It took a lot of steps to get to this point. 

It took a lot of work on the general journey toward recovery on many fronts to get there.

It was not just about riding a bicycle after so many years, it was also about discovering and reclaiming what I had left post workplace abuse.

It took pressing forward and not giving up.

It also took learning to be gentle with myself and accepting and valuing myself for what I am now.

It took realizing that I'm not the leanest and meanest in the pack but am closer to resembling the tortoise rather than the hare.  And being OK with that.

It took perseverance, determination and willpower.

My primary motivation was to find a safe way to get out of the house and into the wider world.

In the aftermath of my experience in the workplace, I adapted to a largely sedentary lifestyle, one in which I spent the largest part of each day in one small room in my house.  It goes by different names according to who you ask: the office as it has my computer there; my creation room as I keep yarn, patterns, and project there so I can create in this room; my safe room as only people like hubby and people I deem emotionally safe as allowed inside.

It is basically the only place I felt comfortable.

I wasn't even comfortable in the rest of the house.  And it's a small house.  I would get out of my safe room to go to the kitchen and fix food and then immediately head back to my safe room, my comfort zone.  I would cook and eat supper with hubby in the kitchen and then immediately head back to my safe haven. Ditto personal needs.  The only other room I felt somewhat comfortable in was my bedroom and only then if I were huddled under the covers with a pillow over my head thus creating my own personal safe space in which to read, sleep and pray.

Therefore, this was a huge step forward on my personal journey of recovery post workplace abuse.

*****

My first attempt at getting into shape to ride for my first GreatCycleChallenge stint did not go well.  Okay.  It went very poorly.  My idea was to ride my bike on the sidewalk to the nearest corner - a whopping distance of three houses.  The bike though had a mind of its own refusing to cooperate at all.  It would not go in a straight line.  It veered this way, than that like a bucking bronco trying to throw me off.  To make matters more humiliating, I had an audience - my 20 something male neighbour's child who was tidying up his parents' front garden.  I kind of semi sort of made it to the cross street then wisely decided to dismount and walk the thing back home.  Again passing my neighbour.

It turned out that the tire was flat, the odometer wasn't working because it needed a new battery and I think a few other things were amiss.  My ever lovin', long sufferin' hubby made these things right.  It's amazing how much better a bike works when there is air in the tires.

Things went a lot better after that, and I slowly built up confidence, speed and endurance.

My primary goal was to ride 50 km during the month of June and raise $50 for paediatric cancer research at Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto.  Neither of which I was 100% certain I could reach.

However, I had goals within that goal.  Secondary goals. Personal goals.

I wanted to be able to ride 5-10 miles (notice the change in measurements from miles to km and back again?  I did my first riding back in my 20s in the States hence the miles, now I live in Canada hence the kilometres).

 I wanted to be able to ride a set route which involves hills and country riding.

I wanted to be able to ride my bike to Uptown Waterloo which I believe is a distance of some 5-6 km and again involves hills.

I wanted to be able to use my bike as a secondary means of transportation.

I wanted to master what is known locally as the Lancaster Hill.

Most importantly, I wanted to get into better shape physically - and mentally.

Then there were what I call objectives.  There's a bike route/path from Niagara Falls Ontario to Niagara on the Lake, Ontario which I'd seen on day trips there and I wanted to cycle it at least in part.

I wanted to cycle the bike path along the Welland Canal at least in part.

I wanted to reclaim me.  Whoever that is now post workplace abuse.

I wanted to see how far I could go.

To accomplish some of these goals and objectives, I needed a car equipped with a trailer hitch for a bike carrier.

I needed the help of a collaborator, and hubby became a willing participant and even encourager in all of this.  He found bike trails for me - and transported me there and back.

He kept an eye out for me when I rode - and still does.

And by the end of the first cycle challenge, I'd accomplished more than I thought was possible.