Recovery Behind Bars: Handle Bars That Is

Gathering for Group Ride #2

As I start living life as it happens after turning the corner, my ongoing recovery from workplace abuse continues to just get better and better.

A significant part of my journey of recovery post workplace abuse has been regaining pieces of my life which were an integral part of me before all the junk in the workplace happened.

Writing, knitting, reading, cycling.  They have all been a part of the whole process of recovery.

Today I'm focusing on the part of recovery which involves cycling.  Something I wanted to do but thought I couldn't after the debilitating chronic/physical affects kicked in in the Fall of 2011.  Balance being the most critical challenge but, but by no means the only one.

After falling off my two-wheeled, Raleigh Grande Prix in the middle of a busy road, I realized that I would have to say good-bye to something I loved.  Something that made me feel free and whole again.

But then ... me  being me ... I began to think of ways to make cycling happen again.  Me being me, I researched things on the net.  I already knew that there are adult trikes both upright and recumbent.  I also learned that there are both stabilizer and adult training wheels.  Stabilizer wheels being fitted close to the rear wheel and about the same diameter as the rear wheel.  Adult training wheels being ... well ... adult training wheels.  Just like the ones on children's bikes only bigger.

Armed with this research and a good idea of what I wanted to do on a bike and what I needed to do that, I went into several local bike shops.  Only one paid me any attention.  I owe all that's happening now to them.

I've written and posted pictures about my adapted bike which I have now named Freedom Hope because that's what she gives me.

I discovered though that having a bike I can now safely ride was only the beginning.  Learning how to ride a bike again was also a beginning.

However, there are challenges in the area I live in:  traffic, hills, one way streets just to name a few.  I wasn't able to fulfill my ambition of taking a nice ride into Uptown Waterloo which is only about 5-6 km or riding in the country due to some of these constraints.

Sigh.

Gathering for my first group ride ever
at the Cataract Trail in Ontario

This is where the Great Cycle Challenge comes in.

 I discovered it in 2016 on my Facebook feed.  It is a self-directed ride to raise funds for research for pediatric cancer at Sick Kids in Toronto.

By self directed, I  that the individual rider chooses his/her own routes, challenge distance and challenge sponsorship.

One thing that has always held me back on these kinds of things is that with my "altered abilities" especially the fatigue, I could never guarantee I could be at a certain place, at a certain time, on a given day and ride a set route consisting of a set number of kilometres.  This challenge gave me the flexibility and the control that I needed.

So with fear and trembling I signed up for my first Great Cycle Challenge in 2016.  My goals:  50 km/$50.  Both of which I wasn't sure I could meet.  Both of which I not only met but surpassed ... which surprised the heck out of me.

It was good.  Very good.

I signed up again last year and this year with slightly higher goals.

Each year I've seen significant gains in my progress both in my overall journey towards recovery and in my comfort as a cyclist on the road.

This challenge has challenged me to cycle both inside and outside the box.  To find alternate routes to get in kilometers around the area in which I live.  It has challenged me to set what I call "goals within the goal".  Personal goals I hope to meet at some point while cycling.  At this point, some I've met; some I've yet to meet.

This year, the challenge has added something new.  Group rides.  As the Great Cycle Challenge is usually a solitary thing unless you're part of a team or whatever, they decided to instigate these group rides so that if people chose they could meet each other and develop a sense of camaraderie.

This year for the first time in seven years, I was able to commit to being at a certain time, at a certain place to ride a certain route - on an adapted bike no less.

I did it.

Note: a group ride has never been on my list of goals for the simple reason that I never thought I could do one.

Group ride #1 was on a bike route which created from where railroad tracks used to be.  It's relatively flat and something I not only can do but have done. As I expected, I was the cow's tail, but that was OK.  I challenged myself and rode 26 km on a set route - a multi use trail part of which goes around Bellwood Lake near Fergus, Ontario.  My longest bike ride ever - even when I was young and healthy.

I was happy.  My only wish was that someone would have waited for me to arrive at the "finish" line to celebrate my victory.

Freedom Hope and the "gang"

So I geared up again for group ride #2, a road ride starting at a car pool parking lot.  Something I had wanted to do these last years and thought I would never do.

Challenging hills, hills and more hills.

 I did it.

But not without a lot of support and encouragement from the rest of the team.

Introducing myself as the "challenged" rider, they seemed to accept me as a bona fide, valued member of the team.  Not a handicap.

I was never left alone to ride by myself this time as I had been on the first ride.

Someone was always either ahead, aside or behind me.  Encouraging me up those hills.  One lady even biked beside me up a hill and when I started breathing heavily coached me on breathing - which helped a lot.

At another point, these incredibly supportive people even let me be in the lead.  I felt protected.  I also felt accepted.

I even heard a comment behind me when I was in the lead about hills being easier when you go slower.  Wow!  That blew my mind.  And made me feel appreciated.

Allan, a grandfather from the first ride in Fergus, Ontario with his grandson
(group ride #1)

It's also been neat meeting those people I've read about on GCCCanada posts or on threads.  One man on a thread said he was riding his grandfather's 40 year old bike.  He and his bike were there on group ride #2.  Last week on group ride #1, I met a man who wrote a jingle for the GCCCanada last year and had been featured on one of their posts last year - which just happened to pop up on my Facebook feed this past week.

And so I leave you dear reader at this point to enjoy these photos, to savor the victory.

Victory "high five" with another rider
- the man riding his grandfather's bike

The long and short of it
- or "short and sassy" meets "lean and mean"

I came, I met, I cycled

I am woman.  Hear me roar.

Regaining Me: First Steps

The photo above was taken June 7th, 2017 at a high point in my journey toward reclaiming my life post workplace abuse on the #GCCCanada when I mastered what is known locally at the Lancaster Hill - a personal nemesis and challenge.  It took a lot of steps to get to this point. 

It took a lot of work on the general journey toward recovery on many fronts to get there.

It was not just about riding a bicycle after so many years, it was also about discovering and reclaiming what I had left post workplace abuse.

It took pressing forward and not giving up.

It also took learning to be gentle with myself and accepting and valuing myself for what I am now.

It took realizing that I'm not the leanest and meanest in the pack but am closer to resembling the tortoise rather than the hare.  And being OK with that.

It took perseverance, determination and willpower.

My primary motivation was to find a safe way to get out of the house and into the wider world.

In the aftermath of my experience in the workplace, I adapted to a largely sedentary lifestyle, one in which I spent the largest part of each day in one small room in my house.  It goes by different names according to who you ask: the office as it has my computer there; my creation room as I keep yarn, patterns, and project there so I can create in this room; my safe room as only people like hubby and people I deem emotionally safe as allowed inside.

It is basically the only place I felt comfortable.

I wasn't even comfortable in the rest of the house.  And it's a small house.  I would get out of my safe room to go to the kitchen and fix food and then immediately head back to my safe room, my comfort zone.  I would cook and eat supper with hubby in the kitchen and then immediately head back to my safe haven. Ditto personal needs.  The only other room I felt somewhat comfortable in was my bedroom and only then if I were huddled under the covers with a pillow over my head thus creating my own personal safe space in which to read, sleep and pray.

Therefore, this was a huge step forward on my personal journey of recovery post workplace abuse.

*****

My first attempt at getting into shape to ride for my first GreatCycleChallenge stint did not go well.  Okay.  It went very poorly.  My idea was to ride my bike on the sidewalk to the nearest corner - a whopping distance of three houses.  The bike though had a mind of its own refusing to cooperate at all.  It would not go in a straight line.  It veered this way, than that like a bucking bronco trying to throw me off.  To make matters more humiliating, I had an audience - my 20 something male neighbour's child who was tidying up his parents' front garden.  I kind of semi sort of made it to the cross street then wisely decided to dismount and walk the thing back home.  Again passing my neighbour.

It turned out that the tire was flat, the odometer wasn't working because it needed a new battery and I think a few other things were amiss.  My ever lovin', long sufferin' hubby made these things right.  It's amazing how much better a bike works when there is air in the tires.

Things went a lot better after that, and I slowly built up confidence, speed and endurance.

My primary goal was to ride 50 km during the month of June and raise $50 for paediatric cancer research at Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto.  Neither of which I was 100% certain I could reach.

However, I had goals within that goal.  Secondary goals. Personal goals.

I wanted to be able to ride 5-10 miles (notice the change in measurements from miles to km and back again?  I did my first riding back in my 20s in the States hence the miles, now I live in Canada hence the kilometres).

 I wanted to be able to ride a set route which involves hills and country riding.

I wanted to be able to ride my bike to Uptown Waterloo which I believe is a distance of some 5-6 km and again involves hills.

I wanted to be able to use my bike as a secondary means of transportation.

I wanted to master what is known locally as the Lancaster Hill.

Most importantly, I wanted to get into better shape physically - and mentally.

Then there were what I call objectives.  There's a bike route/path from Niagara Falls Ontario to Niagara on the Lake, Ontario which I'd seen on day trips there and I wanted to cycle it at least in part.

I wanted to cycle the bike path along the Welland Canal at least in part.

I wanted to reclaim me.  Whoever that is now post workplace abuse.

I wanted to see how far I could go.

To accomplish some of these goals and objectives, I needed a car equipped with a trailer hitch for a bike carrier.

I needed the help of a collaborator, and hubby became a willing participant and even encourager in all of this.  He found bike trails for me - and transported me there and back.

He kept an eye out for me when I rode - and still does.

And by the end of the first cycle challenge, I'd accomplished more than I thought was possible.