One thing I had read in my research early on while the abuse was ongoing was that there is a certain type of personality that will not stop their assault on the person they've chosen to target even when they've already won and it's in their best interest to stop.
That is what today's post is about.
Laying a bit of groundwork, hubby shared with me a program online detailing a school in Mentor, Ohio where there were four suicides in a relatively short period of time. The most poignant part of the program comes from a sister ofone of the victims who told the interviewer how the girls who had bullied her sister to the point of suicide came to the funeral home and laughed at her sister as she lay in her casket causing tremendous emotional stress to her already grieving and devastated family.
It wasn't enough for these girls to win. It apparently wasn't even enough that their target had committed suicide. They still felt compelled to bully her dead body and by doing that, her family.
At the point at which I watched the video with hubby, I was struggling through the aftermath of my working life. Dealing with a multitude of unexpected physical after effects which had completely changed my life as I knew it.
I was struggling with what happens when winning isn't enough for the bullies. Where they are not content to stay in the workplace ... or in the case of this young lady in Mentor, Ohio in the school.
To read an article about this tragedy, press on the link above.
*****
Along those same lines, I read an article in a Toronto newspaper decades ago where another high school student was being so badly bullied at her school that her parents actually moved to another area in what turned out to be a futile effort to get her away from this situation. Unfortunately, those who were bullying her were unwilling to let go of her. They apparently followed her to her new residence in the new neighbourhood. I do not remember all the details, the specifics. I do not remember if they threw eggs at the house, toilet papered the trees or made cat calls. However, the fact that I remember the gist of the article tells me how much it impacted me.
These bullies were unwilling to let winning be enough. They again left the school, left the neighbourhood to continue the harassment.
What would have made them happy? Her death by suicide?
My guess is that nothing really makes these people happy. Even winning. They're just not happy by nature, I think.
These bullies were unwilling to let winning be enough. They again left the school, left the neighbourhood to continue the harassment.
What would have made them happy? Her death by suicide?
My guess is that nothing really makes these people happy. Even winning. They're just not happy by nature, I think.
*****
I couldn't understand it then.
I understand it now.
Because this is what happened to me.
I understand it now.
Because this is what happened to me.
*****
I mentioned at the end of my last post that more was not only to come but was already in progress. I just didn't know about it yet.
I also mentioned that my supervisor had tried to phone me at home and hubby had refused to allow me to answer it.
In the brutal emotional aftermath of the confrontation with the trainee in the office, I was more fragile than I've been in years. Suicidal. Barely hanging on. I couldn't believe that the situation in the workplace had come to this. I still couldn't comprehend the nature of the people I was dealing with or the lengths to which they would go to "win". I needed help badly.
And I was very naive.
On my Facebook page I wrote the status: "Bullies 100; Suzanne 0. Off work again."
Brief and to the point.
I wanted my Facebook friends to know what I was going through and support me and pray for me. I needed their support. Their prayers. Their compassion. I needed to know that people still loved me and cared about me and valued me.
The problem is, one of the co-workers in my office, never identified, looked up my Facebook page. Someone or someones, again never identified, then went to the supervisor and claimed that I had violated ethics issues by that brief status even though there was never any mention of names or my workplace anywhere in my Facebook profile. Any those involved would know who they were. The rest didn't really care about them, they cared about me.
That is what the Friday evening phone call from the work place had been about. The one my husband had refused to allow me to answer. For which I am eternally grateful as the outcome may well have been different if I had answered it, heard the accusation and then become trapped in a long conversation which I could never win. I didn't need much to push me over the edge at that point. I was that close to the edge.
Failing to reach me by phone, my supervisor resorted to email demanding that I delete my Facebook postings. I had no clue what she was talking about so I asked. In response, she showed me screen shots of the offending posts.
I could not understand the mentality of people who would deliberately search me out on Facebook and then read into my status what they wanted it to be.
I also mentioned that my supervisor had tried to phone me at home and hubby had refused to allow me to answer it.
In the brutal emotional aftermath of the confrontation with the trainee in the office, I was more fragile than I've been in years. Suicidal. Barely hanging on. I couldn't believe that the situation in the workplace had come to this. I still couldn't comprehend the nature of the people I was dealing with or the lengths to which they would go to "win". I needed help badly.
And I was very naive.
On my Facebook page I wrote the status: "Bullies 100; Suzanne 0. Off work again."
Brief and to the point.
I wanted my Facebook friends to know what I was going through and support me and pray for me. I needed their support. Their prayers. Their compassion. I needed to know that people still loved me and cared about me and valued me.
The problem is, one of the co-workers in my office, never identified, looked up my Facebook page. Someone or someones, again never identified, then went to the supervisor and claimed that I had violated ethics issues by that brief status even though there was never any mention of names or my workplace anywhere in my Facebook profile. Any those involved would know who they were. The rest didn't really care about them, they cared about me.
That is what the Friday evening phone call from the work place had been about. The one my husband had refused to allow me to answer. For which I am eternally grateful as the outcome may well have been different if I had answered it, heard the accusation and then become trapped in a long conversation which I could never win. I didn't need much to push me over the edge at that point. I was that close to the edge.
Failing to reach me by phone, my supervisor resorted to email demanding that I delete my Facebook postings. I had no clue what she was talking about so I asked. In response, she showed me screen shots of the offending posts.
I felt violated.
I could not understand the mentality of people who would deliberately search me out on Facebook and then read into my status what they wanted it to be.
*****
Facebook is a public forum - unless the individual takes steps to make it private; therefore, what they did was not invasion of privacy. I knew that. Yet, I still felt violated. Exposed.
I learned how to privatize my settings very quickly.
After I privatized my Facebook page, my supervisor commented on that. It seemed like she was angry that I had closed off her (and their) spyhole into my world.
Apparently, I had become the office soap opera.
Apparently, I had become the office soap opera.
Since I had removed myself from them by having a second stress related breakdown, beocming suicidal and taking time off work, they still found a way to keep things going.
A way to continue bullying outside of the workplace.
A way to continue bullying outside of the workplace.
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