The Wall of Silence

Workplace bullying is not vague.  It's complicated.  When you get five people with five different personalities and five different motives it resembles five badly tangled balls of yarn.  How to separate the different fibres and colours without having to use scissors?  How to see how each person is contributing to  present situation.

Then there's what to include?  What to leave out?

What will help the story go forward?  What will get the story stuck irretrievably in the miry clay?

What about the the parts of each of the co-workers who formed the mob?  A, B, C, D, and E.  Do you need to know the parts each played in the story? Or simply that they were involved negatively in the events that were transpiring?

You already know about E - the one who liked to go to management with frivolous complaints.  But what about the others?  Especially "B" who I believe was a serial bully and who figures prominently in events which took place long before before this narrative begins?

What about the place of the VP of HR who thought he could stop the dynamic by holding a meeting with all the workers on both daytime shifts and in effect reading them the riot act?  He thought he could stop the bullying by bluntly saying it was wrong and telling them the repercussions the people who did certain actions could face.  He was wrong.  We were way past the point of no return by that time.


All of this to say that my narrative does not include every jot and tittle of what happened in the four years the workplace bullying was escalating.  Not to mislead anyone.  Or to cover up the truth.  But simply to make it easier to understand.

*****

When I entered the office that first day back, I was met not just with a wall of silence.  I was totally ignored by everyone in that small office.  No hellos.  No welcome backs.  Definitely no good to see you agains.  Nothing.  It was as though I didn't exist.

It felt weird.

Trying to get out of the situation, I had applied for and gotten a position, still in the same office, still at the same desk, but on a daytime shift to cover a maternity leave which would take me out of direct contact with all but one of the mob on my shift..  This had left my position open and a new person had been hired.  She began while I was on my leave and absence.  One of the people I've designated as a huge part of my saga, identified as B, was training her until I returned.

I had my doubts about this as (a) B only did what she had to do (b) B was one of the movers and shakers of the entire saga and (c) she had applied for the same day shift position and I had gotten it.

She had began her tenure in our office as my replacement while I was training for duties in another job, same office, which would augment my skills.  While I was training her, B went to I don't know how many people telling them that I was not patient with her because I sighed.  Yes, you read that right.  I sighed.

Another frivolous complaint.  One which people believed implicitly.  This is where she started to gain control over myself and the workplace.  Within the first days of her tenure in our office.

Because I sighed.

Just a few days after that incident, I gave her an instruction to perform a task.  She refused saying that I should do it.  I was furious but tried to hide it.  We went back into the office and sat in total silence because I knew if I said anything, it was going to be very angry and very confrontative.  So I left the office and took a walk to cool off.  I came back in, sat down ready to discuss things. She immediately got up and went out.  Thinking she had gone to the wash room, I waited for her to return.  When she didn't I went looking for her.  The wash room was empty.  I went into the area where the managers/supervisors had their offices.  Just as I came in she was leaving a supervisor's office saying "thank you."  This didn't look good to me so I confronted the supervisor.  It did turn out that she'd been complaining to him about me.  It also turned out that he gave her the rest of the shift off because she was "upset".

Again, she got the upper hand.

By that time, I was walking on egg shells around her as I tried to train her.

Ever tried to train someone who refuses to allow you to train her?

That was co-worker B.

This behaviour continued throughout the next four years with her winning more and more control and sympathy and support from our coworkers and me losing.

Dare I sigh now?

As I've said, I had concerns about B being in close proximity with my soon to be replacement.  Not just because of the history but because she had wanted the same temporary maternity relief job that I had gotten.

I didn't trust her to keep her opinions about me to herself.  I didn't trust the others either.

This lays the foundation for the rest of the story about my second back to back stress breakdown.

******

Many years ago I was in a university program which required me to attend a sensitivity group with other students.  The dynamics became skewed, and I removed myself from the group.  A friend was taking an alternate course on sensitivity groups with the same professor.  She related this story to me. When he was in a group like this in an outside location, he and the others had totally trashed the place.  Something he would never have done on his own.  

The power of the group.  

This is what mobbing does.  People do things in the group they would never do individually.  

It is my belief the trainee became part of the group during the time she was with them.

*****

I had hoped that B would keep her opinions about me to herself.

Apparently she did not.

My first clue that something was drastically wrong in the office was when no one acknowledged my return into the office environment.   No one introduced me to the trainee or the trainee to me.

This not only seemed odd but gave me a sense of foreboding as in a "normal" workplace situation (if there is such a thing as normal), when someone unknown to the new person enters, especially the one who is to take over her training, it is simply normal to introduce people.  At least that's been my experience.

I felt that neglecting to introduce us was an indication that things weren't right.  That something behind the scenes was going on.

That this omission alone was going to tell the trainee that I was not respected in the workplace and, therefore, not to respect me.

My second indication that things were not good was when I took over my position at the desk and discovered no pens.  Both B and the trainee had had pens in their hands when I walked in.  Where were they?  We used to leave them on the keyboard.  I looked all over for pens and found none.  None in the drawer we kept things in our office.  None in the resupply drawer in the outer office.  Finally, someone in the other office asked me what I was looking for and gave me a pen from her own cubicle.

This might not sound earthshaking in and of itself; however, one of the duties of this day shift position was to resupply the two offices in our building.  Apparently, that had not been done, the month I was gone and B was filling in on day shift.

My appointment with this "new" psychiatrist was the next day and I took it off.  Both  my medical doctor and myself were hoping that he would grant me more time off as both of us knew I was not ready to return to this toxic environment.

This "new" psychiatrist turned out to be the one I'd already seen.  He was just opening up a private practice in addition to his role in the mental health clinic.

He did not give me any more time off.

So I had to return.

Ironically, he did not give supply a letter to my employer saying that I was ready to return to work.

These letters are a necessary requirement when people are off on leave for any reason whether it be mental health or bunions.

That omission worked in my favour at least in the short term as my saga progressed.