Returning to H E double hockey sticks

After four blessed weeks off work, I returned. Now willingly but I felt I had no other option as the Vice President of HR had never replied to the email in which I stated that I was not safe in the workplace due to frivolous complaints.  I also said that I would take a week off unpaid to give him time to sort out this situation and put a plan in action to ensure my safety in the workplace.  I further stated that if this were not to happen, the last day I had worked prior to the email would be my last day.  In effect, I gave my notice.  Furthermore, I requested that if my request was not met and I were to be forced to leave that he take in effect my age for a package.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, The Saga Continues, apparently this Vice President had not read my email.  Nor had my office received the voice mail left on the office manager's phone that I was not coming in.  I received a curt email from this Vice President that if I did not do everything correctly I would be disciplined.

I never heard from him again.

If there was any follow up on my safety complaint, I never heard about it.

In effect, he ignored the entire gist of the email: safety complaint and provisions for safety in the workplace and resignation.

I was left on my own to deal with things I simply did not know how to deal with or was prepared to deal with.

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I also had no followup visits with the psychiatrist I'd seen at the mental health clinic or with any mental health professional (except my counsellor who was, has been and is invaluable in my ongoing journey of recovery.  However, as she is a counsellor under the School of Social Work, she does not have the ability to formally diagnose a client or fill out forms.

How I wish that I had had someone to take me under their wings and give me guidance through this period.

You might ask why I didn't contact the Vice President of HR myself.  I now realize as I write this seven years later, that I could have.  Probably should have.  But I was running scared.

I was scared of my supervisor as well which is why I didn't leave a message on her voice mail telling her I wasn't coming in that first shift after the frivolous complaint and the breakdown.

In fact, I was scared of just about everyone in the workplace.  At this point, I had no idea who was friend or foe.  And I was afraid to ask.

Afraid not of the answer but that it would be taken as something else such as confrontation and I would be reported again or simply not answered.

H. Norman Wright in his book Helping Those Who Hurt (2003) (in a very simplified paraphrase): Victims of  trauma are reacting what they think is normal to an abnormal situation.

As the story continues, this dynamic is important to remember.

Believe it or not, I think that even as bad as things were that I still did not realize exactly how bad and how unresolvable they were.  Also, how far the "cancer" of workplace abuse and mobbing had spread.

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And so I went back.

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My medical doctor had found a psychiatrist who had just set up private practice in our area.  My first appointment with him was for the day following my return to the workplace.  Both my medical doctor and myself were hoping that he would diagnose me more appropriately and grand me more medical leave from the situation.

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I lasted a grand total of seven shifts.