Coping Strategy: Life Through the Lens of a Camera

There are times in life when you simply have to rest and regroup.  Take care of yourself, and use whatever strategy, whatever coping mechanism works for you.

Hubby and I discovered a long time ago that what works for me is to go away, outside of the situation preferably in a place with water and/or mountains, put a camera in my hands, let me call the shots and take pictures to my heart's content.

Photography has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.  My father, grandfather and two uncles all were amateur photographers.

The story is told of my dad wanting a certain camera badly.  This was probably in the early 50s.  He could not afford it.  He would have to give up something in order to save up for the camera.  In those days, apparently, he smoked.  So he decided to give up cigarettes in order to save money for this camera.  He put a picture of the camera in his pocket and each time he was tempted to smoke, he took it out and looked at it.  I don't remember him ever smoking but I do remember him with a camera.

Life looks different looking through the lens of a camera.  It's a place where I can detach from the current situation.  It gives me a long view.

A few years ago, we were travelling to the Toronto Zoo with daughter and grandsons when we were accidentally in a multi vehicle accident and ended up on the side of the road waiting, waiting, and waiting some more.  The first thing I did after calling 9-1-1 to report the accident was to grab my camera and take pictures.  It helped not only with the trauma and shock but also served to provide memories.  Good memories.  When I think back on that day, I don't remember the trauma so much as I remember the grandsons posing with firefighters who had gifted them with stuffed animals and firefighter hats. I remember the kindness of one of the tow truck operators who took care of us and ensured we were safe.  I remember finally making it to the Zoo hours later than anticipated and going in as many people were leaving due to rain.  I remember taking pictures of my grandsons and the excitement and wonder of seeing the Zoo through the eyes of pre-schoolers.

Another time, a year or so after workplace abuse #1, I threw my bible on the floor in the church library ... and lived to regret it.  Not only did I not know I had PTSD at that point but I also did not realize that what had happened in that workplace was indeed bullying.  No one around me did either.  I also didn't realize how this was affecting me.  I learned later that what caused the trauma is not a normal situation and that the victim is responding in what they think is normal during an abnormal event. It was a difficult time.  My pastor appeared without warning at my door like the wrath of God.  He was angry.  Very angry.  He came to condemn.  He did a good job of it.  By the time he left, I was thoroughly demolished.  Unable to function.

The next weekend my every-lovin' and long sufferin' hubby packed me and my camera up and took me to Parry Sound.  Hrom there we wandered to the Western Edge of Algonquin Provincial park.  My instructions?  It was all about me.  I was to call the shots.  When I wanted to stop and take a picture, we stopped.

I had never been that route from Parry Sound to Algonquin Park before.  It was late September and the fall foliage was at its peak.  Reds, oranges, golds.  The road we were on twisted this way and that.  At every turn, there was something new to see and photograph.

At the end of the day, I was feeling much more stable.  I was ready to go on again.  When I think of that trip, I think of the pictures.  They feel me with a sense of peace.  I don't remember the trauma.  I remember the beauty.  The stunning panoramas.

So it was this time after after the trainee had run to management because she didn't like the way I was training her.

Hubby packed me up and took me away, out of the situation, camera in hand to Niagara Falls.

We've been to Niagara Falls often on day trips many times, but this one was different.  We left after his work day ended and arrived at night.  We found a hotel near the Rainbow Bridge which is an area that we had not roamed around that much.

As I said earlier, looking at life through the lens of a camera is different.  More manageable.  Controllable.  Life in the workplace certainly wasn't either manageable or controllable.  It was totally out of my control.  So hubby took me away and put me in a situation where I was in control.

After checking into the motel, we took a walk in the darkness and I saw images that captivated me.  The Skywheel all lit up. The Maid of the Mist docked for the winter.  The American Falls across the river all lit up with boulders of ice beneath it.  Everything seemed new and fresh and exciting.

Yes, I was seriously depressed.  Yes, I was very fragile emotionally.  Yet for the moment, I felt safe with my camera around my neck and my hubby beside me.

The next morning, we continued our journey both by foot and by car.  We drove down the Niagara River Parkway.  We stopped at places we had never stopped before.  Each stop, each new experience was commemorated by another set of pictures.


As I'm writing this post, seeing these pictures, looking back at what was a horrible time in my life, I don't feel that horror, that trauma, that fear.  I feel hope and a sense of well being.

Hubby somehow knew instinctively what was good, what would help me survive in this situation, did it and stayed with me every inch of the way.

Later that day, we left.  We didn't know what was in store for me.  We didn't know that there was more to come. 

We did know that my supervisor had tried to call me at home before we had left for the Falls. Hubby had refused to let me answer that call.  It was worrisome especially as my understanding was that this leave was supposed to give me a reprieve, a separation from the workplace and the events in it.  Receiving phone calls at home from the workplace did not fit into my understanding of separation from the workplace.

But that is for another posting describing when bullying leaves the workplace.

For now, sit back and relax and enjoy the rest of the pictures.