The Day I Turned The Corner

Ironically, the day I turned the corner on my journey towards recovery from workplace abuse was the day I got fired from my volunteer position at the Humane Society where I'd been petting kitties for more than a year and a half.  I got bitten.  A serious no-no.

While being fired is definitely not fun and definitely not positive, for some reason it propelled me forward rather than stalling me, propelling me backward or putting me in a spin.

One major reason is that it was not personal.

Workplace bullying is definitely personal.  They find your weaknesses and exaggerate them.  They gossip.  They go on your Facebook and take what they see there to management.  They craft petitions disguised as complaints and sign them.  People believe them.

Cats don't do that.  For which I am very very thankful.

Neither do the people caring for the cats.

However, the management type people feel that it is not in the cat's best interest if a volunteer gets bitten.

Before you get too confused or irate, let me explain what happens when a cat in their custody bites a human being.  Immediately, if it's reported and it is law that it be reported, it has to be reported to the Board of Health.  Then the cat has to be put into quarantine for ten days during which time, only the staff can interact with it.  It cannot be adopted.  It cannot be socialized by volunteers.  Etc.  It's stalled, sidelined for ten days.  And it still has to be fed and cared for.

I get that.  To a degree.

I had been in fear of getting bitten again.  Yes, again.  This was bite number three.  However, in my defence, bite number two was one day less a year from before bite number three.  That, however,  was not taken into consideration.

Policies had changed while I was volunteering at the shelter due to a contagion which went through most of the population both feline and canine at the shelter.  New policies restricted the volunteers' interaction with the animals meaning, in effect, if the new policies were obeyed, the animals received far less social time with volunteers than previously.  These new policies also meant that if I was in an area with less social cats, that I could not move into another area as I might cause cross contamination among the cat population.

Volunteering had become more stressful and less fun.  Yet I continued.

Yes, I tried to talk with what I call the volunteer volunteer (a volunteer herself who managed volunteers) but she was not inclined to listen.

So when I got bitten that fateful day in December just before Christmas, I was afraid of the worst happening.  Being fired.  But me being me, I still had hope that reason/logic would prevail.  Or maybe that that prince in shining armour I read so much about when I was a child - and still seem to believe in - would come upon the scene.

Logic/reason didn't prevail and Prince Charming was noticeably absent.  Rebuffs, blame statements and Human Resources along with the volunteer volunteer were present.

The dismissal could have been done better as it turned out to be two against one.  Not good odds in my book.  Especially when I'm the one.

I cried.

I was hurt.

I also stood up for myself, even though I wasn't heard.

Yet, there was something in me that said that this could be a good thing.  There could be something better coming up.

I also realized how much healing had happened in my journey towards recovery in the nineteen months I had been alone, on my own petting cats.

I had gone from being very fearful of human beings to being able to casually converse with staff and sometimes the public.

Why?  Because as I said before it was not personal.  Everything was based on the cats and their welfare.  For me, it was good and I began to enjoy positive interactions with human beings and at the same time becoming less fearful of people.

It had been a safe place.  One where recovery could occur.

Immediately after the dismissal when I was still hurting, with all my being I wanted to find out what other shelters' policies were "after the bite".  Did they dismiss volunteers for being bitten or where they more reasonable?  But I didn't.

I wanted to look up other volunteer opportunities with animals.  But I didn't.

I wanted to write a letter to the newspaper or at least to the Board of Directors of the shelter or file a written complaint against the volunteer volunteer and the Human Resources director.  But I didn't.

Why?

Because I decided that the first thing I needed to do was to allow myself time to grieve my loss which I hadn't done during the two back to back workplace abuse situations.

Then there was Christmas less than a week away.  I felt that getting through Christmas before acting on anything would be the best thing for me.

As I allowed myself time and space, I began to realize that it was almost laughable.  Almost.  Like who gets fired because they get bitten?  Besides me, that is.

I also realized that there had been significant healing in my life and perhaps I was due for a change.

Also, people reached out to me and said come and pet my fur baby.

So I did.

A new door has started to open.  A door which includes fur babies to be sure and also people.  People who also have needs.  People who enjoy my presence and having an adult to talk to while the kids are in school and the dog is being petted.  Yes, you heard me right.  Dog.  I'm a cat person, but not my world has also expanded to include not only people but dogs.

As I continue on in this period of my recovery post workplace abuse, I see two things.  One that somehow, somewhat I turned a corner at the end of last year.  Two that this phase of my journey of recovery is about living life as it happens.

Do I dare say enjoying life?

Things have been happening recently on my journey of recovery that I never thought seven years ago when things were at their worst with the workplace would ever happen.