Lydia Herrle - Inspiration, Beauty and Courage

On May 23rd, I posted about a local girl, Lydia Herrle, who against all odds had survived a devasating accident a year ago.  Her journey is one of recovery post traumatic brain injury and coma after being hit by a garbage truck while getting off her school bus across the street from her house.

She has spent this past year undergoing intensive therapy first at a children's rehab hospital and then at home.  She has had to relearn everything:  to talk; to eat; to walk.  She still has on-going affects from the accident.

She has come quite a way in this past year.  Yet, she still has far to go in her journey of recovery.  How far will she be able to go?  At this point, that is anyone's guess as she has progressed further faster than anyone could have predicted after such a devastating accident that most people do not survive from.

Yet, this year a little more than a year after the accident, she stood up at her grade 8 graduation from public school (a big thing in our region) and gave a four minute speech.  One she had written herself.  One she had practiced at home many times.

Her speech was slurred, indicative of the brain injury she is recovering from.  Someone was with her to remind her of her place in the speech when she forgot.

But she did it.

I have taken the liberty of copying the text of her speech posted in her parent's blog Pray for Lydia.  Although the format didn't translate well from their blog to mine, it is still worth reading.

Because although Lydia's message is, in a sense, all about her, it has a deeper message to all of us.  Something we all need to hear.

The message, a stirring reminder for those of us who have been traumatically injured whether through a losing confrontation with a garbage truck or the unending impact of dealing with hostile co-workers on a daily basis, is one we all need to not only hear, but internalize.

As promised, here is Lydia's speech that she gave at her grade 8 graduation in text form. 

I can do anything. I have learned this truth this past year. I have been on a hard journey of recovery. I could have died, but God gave me a second chance to live, and life is a precious gift. I am doing my best to live fully, to treasure the life that I have been given.

I want to share the hope that I have. I want to ignite a flicker of hope in others, reminding them that anything is possible.

I spent 2 months in a deep coma, at Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto, where I could not talk, or walk, or even move on my own. From July until October, I was at Holland Bloorview, a children’s rehab hospital. In August, when I was at home visiting my family, on my dad’s birthday, I spoke my first sentences. This past school year, I have spent at home with therapists, teachers and support workers, and I have relearned how to walk, balance, think and communicate. I am recovering.

Our attitudes are very important. They shape us. They have a huge impact on life. It is important to not face each day with a crummy attitude. Instead, put on a smile, be thankful, and face each day with hope and strength.

“Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% of how we react to it.” We can’t control everything that happens to us, but we can control our attitudes. Expect the unexpected - something totally out of the ordinary, and when that happens, you’ll be ready to embrace it, whatever “it” is.

Over the last year, I have gone through many mixed emotions. There were times at night, when I felt like giving up, but God gave me hope. In the morning, I awoke with a new perspective, renewed faith, and determination. When hard times come your way, when the unexpected happens, do not lose hope or give up. Have faith, a positive attitude and you’ll find strength for each step of your journey. Thank you for encouraging me in mine.

Click on the first link in this posting to watch the YouTube video of Lydia giving her graduation speech.
As a survivor of workplace abuse who still copes daily with "altered abilities" caused by the abuse, I felt like standing up and shouting "Amen!"

Her message was what I needed to hear. What we all need to hear.

We are victims, yes, of unforeseen circumstances.  But at the same time, we are survivors as well.

How far will any of us go?

That depends.

How much effort are we willing to make in the effort?

How much support do we have?

Today, I leave you with these questions to mull over as you walk your own individual path.  Today, my path leads me to my counsellor to mull over all the issues I've been processing as I write this blog.

May God go with you on your journey.

Rough Spot on the Journey

Sometimes my walk through PTSD, trauma, severe stress and its aftereffects resembles the photo above.   A walk on a pier.  Except that when the bear (who strongly resembles Papa Bear) reaches the end of this pier he will stop, maybe take a look around, turn and head back to tierra firma.  Not so with victims/survivors of trauma.  It seems like in my journey, the on-going journey through trauma and recovery, is like that walk on the pier.  Except the trauma doesn't know enough to stop at the end of the pier, look around and turn back.  It keeps on going straight ahead off the pier and and into deep water.  With no warning.  It doesn't even know that the pier, the safe territory, has ended and unfathomable depths are ahead.  Uncharted territory.

Also, unlike the picture above, there is no lighthouse to warn of shallow water, rocks, or other dangers. To guide us from danger to safety.

In the journey of trauma, especially since so few people understand it - unless they've embarked on the journey themselves or are walking with one who is - the journey is largely based on trial and error.  Stumbling into deep water i.e. extreme fatigue, stuttering, memory loss, loss of cognitive skills, balance issues, et al. and then working with each affect individually to find a solution.  Rest.  Right brain activity.  Going out with someone rather than alone.  Staying inside where it's safe.  Determining who are the safe bears in the den.  And, most importantly, who are not.  Finding out what works - and what doesn't.

I was suddenly plunged into such a time on my journey during the latter half of 2012.  Unexpectedly.  I didn't even see the cliff (or the end of the pier) until I had unknowingly stepped off it and found myself falling, falling, falling....

A person I had considered safe was going through rough waters of their own - and started lashing out at me.  Hurtful words.  Words that caused significant re-injury to an already fragile psyche.

Words like:  "After all you don't have cancer."  "You turn everything around to yourself."  "I don't think you can go an hour without using the words 'I', 'me' or 'my'.  (I dare you to try it.  Since our worldview begins with ourselves and radiates outward, this is an impossible task - especially (a) in the middle of a shopping trip and (b) when the other person is not following the same guidelines).

This ushered in a whole new phase of re-injury and trauma, depression, which as day followed day began to resemble brain injury.  During this time, I was following a blog about a young girl in our area who had been hit by a truck and her journey through physical recovery from the injuries and also from the brain injury caused by the impact.  As I read the blog, I began to see some (slight) similarities between this girl and her journey toward regaining what she had lost and my journey.  She often felt overwhelmed when re-learning skills.  Re-learning skills, i.e. therapy, would leave her so exhausted that she would have to take numerous naps during the day.  She would become overwhelmed with the task at home.  Irritability followed.  Frustration at not being able to do the things that she used to do easily.  Etc.  And, also, not understanding why the truck had hit her.  Why she had been traumatized.

Going out for a short time left me exhausted.  Trying to plan a meal or go grocery shopping left me overwhelmed.  I stayed home in my safe place more and more.  My life constricted by the sensory and other overload imposed on me by the re-injury, the re-traumatization.

Brain injury?  Was it possible that I had sustained something similar to a brain injury through the trauma?

I broached the subject with my therapist who said that trauma creates chaos in the brain.

Chaos in the brain.  Who would've thunk it?  Not me.  Not the people who inflicted the various traumas on me.  Nor the people walking with me.

As I walk through this particular phase of the journey, a phase in which my cognitive skills go up and down on any given day; a phase where words sometimes dessert me and I resemble a mentally deficient person; a phase where the physical affects such as extreme fatigue, lack of balance, etc. are still there, I'm learning to go with the flow.  To embrace life as it presents itself in my current circumstances.  To enjoy what I still have.  And to value those who have chosen to walk with me.  Those who have not given up on me as the journey progresses.

Once again, thank you to all those who are walking with me on the journey.  Helping me up when I fall.   You are my lighthouses.  The light shining in and illuminating the darkness giving me hope when all seems hopeless.

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God bless you.

Until next time....