Recognizing Toxic Employee(s): Can the source of the fumes be identified and stopped?

While working on the last two posts, I found an interesting article on the net:  called Recognizing Toxic Employees by David G. Javitch, Ph.D., an organizational psychologist.

This article likens the toxic employee to a virus which infects most, if not all of the employees in the workplace.  It is invisible to the eye.  But it permeates the entire atmosphere with its toxicity.

Below is a list of the symptoms exhibited by and caused by the toxic employee:

• A decrease in or lack of productivity

• A decrease in or poor morale

• An increased frequency in arguments between the employee and others

• A sense that the employee is increasingly frustrated because "things just aren't going right"

• A negative, antagonistic attitude

• An increase in negative comments and personal attacks

• An unwillingness to work overtime or stay late without reason

• An unwillingness to "go the extra mile" while encouraging others to refuse as well.

Javitch then goes on to say:

Other symptoms include infighting, backbiting, passive/aggressive behaviour (aggressive actions done in a passive or weak manner), arguments or criticism for the sake of being different or antagonistic, and an unwillingness to help out others in a culture that values providing input and assistance to colleagues.

Bingo!

This describes exactly the situation I was caught up in and victimized by in the office.

My situation started out with three distinct individuals who at first were not connected in any way.  One wasn't even in my office and shouldn't have been working the same hours as my shift.  As these co-workers' perceived grievances against me mounted, they became aligned with each other against a common target i.e. me and became a force in and of themselves.  A clique.  Later, a fourth person, our immediate supervisor, joined the clique by becoming friends with these co-workers both inside and outside of work.  Lastly, a fifth person also in our office but on a different shift joined their ranks.
Sigh.  Why didn't I see the writing on the wall then and just quit?

Perhaps because I can't read invisible writing?  Or smoke signals?  Or toxic fumes?

My guess is that one of the original three members of what I call the clique was the main toxic employee infecting the others and eventually the rest of the work environment.

How does one identify who the main toxic employee was?  Can it even be done?  Were all three of these co-workers toxic?  Four, if you count the supervisor?  Five, if you count the last one into the mess.

In other words, who was the real toxic employee here?  That is what the rest of the article deals with:  identifying if there is indeed a toxic employee and, if so, how that employee should be approached and what the goal of approaching that employee should be.  The goal, according to Javitch, is not to be confrontational but rather to present the facts and see if there is any agreement on the situation and try to facilitate a change in the toxic employee's attitude and actions.

Changing the toxic employee is the main goal.

Javitch addresses both the process and the desired outcomes in a section entitled:  "What exactly should you do?"  He writes:

The answer is, "It depends."  If you're a laissez-faire, hands-off leader, then you could do nothing and just hope the situation will go away or burn itself out.  And every once in aawhile it will.  But understand that in the majority of cases, this action (which is really an inaction on your part) will not correct the situation. On the contrary, it will only serve to allow the problem to grow and continue to negatively impact and infect your business's other employees, productivity, growth, profitability and success.

Again bingo!

Ignoring the problem, didn't work.  Become friends with the toxic employees i.e. in my case also the aggressors, definitely didn't work.  Allowing the toxic symptoms to go along unchecked, just erodes the morale of the rest of the employees.

So what does work?  Or rather can work?

The rest of the article involves the steps a pro-active management can and should take regarding the situation.  It involves a series of investigative steps to identify if there really is a toxic employee and then narrow it down to who is the toxic employee leading up to a general, non-confrontational meeting to see if the issues can be resolved.  If not, if the employee refuses to change, then the article concludes that beginning the termination process for the toxic employee is in order - to protect the rest.

Great and thought-provoking article, but that's not what happened in my workplace.

Why?

Probably ignorance in management's part facilitated by the fact that by the time we got to this part all upper management were no longer in our building so for them to realize that something was amiss they would need to be told.  Who would tell them?  Lower management who had aligned themselves to the toxic employees?  Middle management who turned a blind eye?

I presume that upper management remained blissfully unaware in their ivory tower of what was going on in the trenches.

In addition, I feel that the person I believe was the main instigator was very good at her job.  She had more seniority than I did.  I was in an entry-level position, while this person was not.

The key question is:  would this particular toxic employee have been willing to change?  Even if her job was on the line?  I doubt it.  Which may be why it was easier, far easier, to get rid of me than to pursue who the real problem was.

I observed many of the symptoms in this person - and the other two.  They were unhappy.  That did not feel like they were valued or appreciated.

By the time all was said and done, I was the one perceived to be the bully, the bad guy.

I've always wondered if after everything was said and done, and I was terminated if that made those in the workplace happy as everyone seemed to think it would?  Or did they simply choose another victim?  Or ... did they continue the noise about me and continue the office "soap opera" as long as they could in my absence?

I'll never know for sure .. but I have my suspicions that removing me from the workplace did not solve the problem.

Until Monday ....

Surviving Workplace Abuse: Perpetuating the toxic workplace

My workplace was far removed from this peaceful scene I shot in the fall of 2006.  It is pictures like these that bring back the good memories, the things that kept me level and moving forward for so long in what was becoming an increasingly difficult situation.  A situation where toxicity flourished unchecked.

At the time this picture was taken, I was fresh, very fresh from a secondary trauma when my pastor showed up unexpectedly and very angry at my doorstep because I'd thrown my Bible on the floor.  

At that time, I'd been through workplace abuse experience #1 but was not able to recognize it for what it was.  I had a therapist who also did not recognize the workplace abuse nor the trauma it had caused nor had any idea had to treat it.

For eighteen long months there was no healing, no help, no recovery. I was well and truly stuck emotionally.

Finally, just the month before I threw my Bible on the floor that fateful day in the church library, I had connected with a new therapist.  One who was well-versed in trauma, PTSD and had a proven track record in being able to work with people like me and help them on their roads to recovery.

She was the first one who acknowledged the role of trauma and PTSD in my life and in my actions.

Unfortunately, getting a good therapist and starting to work on the road to recovery does not mean that things are going to happen quickly.  There are no magic wands in recovery from psychological damage.  It's a long road involving a lot of hard work - and the occasional set back.

I love to look at this set of pictures because although I did not know it then, I was embarking on a journey, not one set out in road maps, rather one not clearly defined.  I look back at these photos and see how far I've been able to come from where I was.

If I only knew then what I know now, would things have been any different?

*******

If I only knew then what I know now, would things have been different?

One can only hope.

My head at this point is filled with lots of knowledge, research about workplace bullying and different aspects of it such as the toxic workplace.  Knowledge clamouring and begging to be let out.

I think by this time that we can definitely agree on one thing:  my workplace was toxic.

Contaminated.

Not contaminated by chemicals or toxic waste, but contaminated by toxic workers.  Wikipedia defines a toxic employee as: 

1. In the context of a toxic workplace, a toxic employee is a worker who is motivated by personal gain, uses unethical, mean-spirited and sometimes illegal means to manipulate and annoy those around them; and whose motives are to maintain or increase power, money or special status or divert .

   Notice that the quote above describes the toxic workplace as being inhabited by a toxic employee - or employees as the case may be.  There cannot be a toxic workplace without at least one toxic employee.

In my former workplace, I believe that one or more than one employee was toxic beginning long before I ever walked in that compound.  I have come to wonder if toxicity was actually part of the workplace culture.

It certainly seemed to be an environment where toxicity flourished at different times with different people and where the infrastructure had become so cracked that toxicity was part and parcel of the "normal" work environment.

One incident that gave me pause occurred with a totally different employee who had gone on to bigger and better things by the time I was injured by bullying in the workplace about a year after the picture at the beginning of this posting was taken.

As I've noted, my workplace resembled the grass in south Texas where I once lived; everyone had their own burr, thistle or thorn.  "Walking" without extreme caution was inadvisable.

Working without extreme caution in my workplace was not advisable either.

At one point, I was learning a new job - that of dispatcher on an off shift.  Now, the dispatcher in a distribution environment is the "top dog" so to speak.  He (or she) is responsible for getting the trucks out on time.  He/she is not responsible though for the production of the paperwork for the truck leaving.  That is another employee's responsibility.  An entry level position.

In this incident, I was the dispatcher.  A young man was learning the ropes on producing the paperwork.  His trainer was a university student who had had a "casual" position with the company meaning part-time since she had been in high school.  She was more than capable of training this young man...

But .... was she toxic?  Did she spread toxicity to this new employee?

At one point, she was teaching him the ins and outs of the needs of a certain client whose truck was not due to depart for more than an hour when I had an urgent need for paperwork to be done right away.  Therefore, I asked the trainee to do up the paperwork for me.

He refused.

He said he was working on something else.  I pointed out that this need was immediate and should take precedent over what he was working on.

The trainer then told me very nastily to do the paperwork myself.

?

I don't remember how the paperwork got done that night.  I do remember that I felt like I'd been hit between the eyes by a blow I hadn't seen coming.  I had never treated a co-worker, especially one in a position above me like that.  It had never occurred to me.  And I wondered why she felt this behaviour was appropriate especially in a training situation.  I felt that by her actions she was teaching the newest member of our "team" a lesson he would never forget ... that certain people did not deserve respect.  That it was OK to refuse to do a job which was part of his job.

I don't always use the right words so sometimes I substitute another word.  I told the trainer that she was teaching him not to respect my authority.  To which, she took a lot of umbrage and let me know that I didn't have any authority.  Which apparently is true.  The dispatcher is the senior employee in the office, but does not have any authority.  

However ...

I realize now that the word I meant and should have used was "respect".  She was actively teaching the new employee to disrepect another employee.  One old enough to be their mother.

And therein laid part of the problem.

I took the young man out of the office later and we had a talk about what had happened and how we were both feeling.  It turns out that this young man felt like he was working with his mother - and he didn't like it.  I realized that a huge part of my problem was that I have been an authoritative person and that he was reacting very negatively to that trait in me.  I agreed to work on the authoritative part of my behaviour if he would work on his issues i.e. perceiving me and reacting negatively to me because of my age.  I may have been in his mom's age bracket BUT I was not his mom.

I also talked with the trainer with much less success.  She refused to budge on her actions.  In fact, she brought up everything thing I had ever done or said in the workplace.  Not positively.

I was already a year into the therapy that was steadily, slowly changing my life and felt that bringing up the past was not productive.

I talked with my therapist about this and we both felt the young lady in question was being toxic.  So I went to my manager.  Who went to her manager.  Who was this young lady's mother.

Oops!

I think you can guess what the outcome of that was.  Nothing.  In fact, from my point of view worse than nothing.  The 2up felt that there was nothing toxic about her daughter's behaviour.  So the stink continued.

Several years later, this woman who was at that time our 2up became my 1up.  Her feelings and perspectives from that encounter lingered on and I believe polluted her ability to deal with the bullying.

The young man in question?  He too continued on in that position for years.  He was one of the signees of the "complaint" I mentioned in a past post - the one that resulted in my termination.

*******

If I knew then what I know now in terms of the dynamics and the futility in trying to change the workplace environment what would I have done?

I think it best if we deal with that question in future posts.

Until tomorrow....

Surviving Workplace Abuse: My leaving story - part 3: When bullies take control

I

I often told my supervisor in the period while the bullying was escalating and retaliation, undetected by management and HR, was becoming the norm in my workplace that I felt tlike I was being judged under Mexican law rather than Canadian or American law.  The difference is that in the U.S. and Canada, a person is considered innocent until proven guilty.  Under the Mexican system, the reverse is true:  a person is considered guilty until proven innocent.  The difference is in the burden of proof.  In the U.S. and Canadian systems, the burden of proof of guilt is on the legal system.  In the Mexican system, the burden of proof of innocence in laid squarely on the shoulders of the individual.  In the system I was in, I was never given the opportunity to prove my innocence.  I was simply presumed guilty of ... whatever.

There is no more revealing evidence of this occurring than when I signed a legally binding agreement to resign based on a "complaint" by co-workers in a local doughnut shop with only the union representative present while still on sick leave.

*******

Sitting at the table in the doughnut shop, I had no idea what was to come.  I was naive. I was complacent in my innocence.  I knew I was being bullied.  I knew too I was covered under Ontario's Bill 168, the Occupational Health and Safety Amendment Act (Violence and Harassment in the Workplace), which went into effect June 15th, 2010.

According to this piece of legislation, I had the right to be free of harassment in the workplace.  Bill 168's definition of workplace harassment is as follows:  “workplace harassment” means engaging in a course of vexatious comment or conduct against a worker in a workplace that is known or ought reasonably to be known to be unwelcome.

This same bill also protects the worker against violence in the workplace.

I was still in the "let's get the union rep on the same page re: workplace bullying as I am," frame of mine when the union rep came back with the coffee, sat down and said that the co-workers had submitted their own complaint.

My first reaction was one of bemusement.  I was confused and bewildered.  I honestly did not take the significance of this new turn of events seriously - at first.  It was not until much later, months after everything was said and done, that I realized the seriousness of the impact of this alleged complaint and its ramifications.

Since I was still actively working on getting the union rep to understand what bullying was all about, I could not comprehend (a) what these people had to complain about me and (b) that those in high places in the company could take this seriously.

I was wrong on both counts.  They took it very seriously.  Seriously enough to craft a legal document in which I agreed to resign.

All I wanted at that point was to survive - and get out.  I also wanted some financial lifeline to hold onto as I wasn't expecting to leave the workforce quite so soon or under such circumstances.  I still have a bit more than three years to go before I hit that "magic" age of 65 and could receive CPP.

I was then shown the "complaint".

It began with the wording "we the undersigned" and proceeded to make a number of unsubstantiated, unverified allegations.

The main basis of the "complaint" was that they had the "right to a stress free workplace".  It was followed by a rambling paragraph making a slew of allegations.  Looking back, the "complaint" was akin to how I make soup: throwing in everything I can think of that will add to the flavour of the soup that is available to me at that time.

These people threw in everything but the proverbial kitchen sink.  If an action or statement, could be twisted to be interpreted as being wrong or causing them stress, it was.

Noticeably absent, were any specific incidents or statements on my part such as "on such and such a date at such and such a time, Suzanne did such and such."  Nothing definitive.  Just a bunch of broad-based allegations allegedly seen by eight people on all three shifts in our small office plus one who didn't even work in my department.

In the third to last paragraph, I was accused of being confrontative, verbally abusive, going to HR and management on perceptions and assumptions and putting things on Facebook.

The second to last paragraph politely asked the recipient of the "complaint" i.e. management and HR to resolve the issue.

The last paragraph though was the doozy.  It expressed the perception that these workers were afraid of me and that they believed I presented a valid threat to their safely in the workplace i.e. that I could become violent.

Oh God, this is so hard to write.  Even after three years, it brings it all back.

Going back to Bill 168, it not only protects the worker from workplace harassment but also from violence and/or the threat of violence in the workplace.  Bill 168's definition of workplace violence is as follows:

1. the exercise of physical force by a person against a worker, in a workplace, that
causes or could cause physical injury to the worker,
2. an attempt to exercise physical force against a worker in a workplace that could
cause physical injury to the worker,
3. a statement or behaviour that is reasonable for a worker to interpret as a threat to
exercise physical force against the worker, in a workplace, that could cause physical
injury to the worker. 

Because I know that I'm not a violent person and that I had done everything possible to work on recovery, to resolve the situation with these co-workers, to be non-threatening in any way, shape or form and that except for those five shifts, I hadn't even been there in something like two months, I didn't take this "complaint" seriously.  I guess I figured that if I knew that I wasn't the person portrayed in that piece of paper, that management and HR should know that too.  From where I was sitting, to me, this complaint was proof that these people were bullying me.  To me, HR and management had the proof in their hands that what I had been saying all along was true.

Apparently, HR and management did not see it that way. 

Seeing those signatures undid me.  Especially the last one.  Someone I had done nothing to.  Someone I didn't even know was involved in the mess.  I was devastated.  Distraught.  I dissolved in tears.

Significantly absent was the signature of the trainee whose refusal to allow me to train her had precipitated the second stress breakdown.

How did all these people get involved?  To the best of my knowledge, I hadn't done anything to them.

I had realized for quite a while that every time I was away either off sick, for a holiday or whatever, that when I came back it seemed that one more person was avoiding me.  Refusing to talk to me.  To look at me.  I was increasingly becoming systematically more and more isolated in the office until at the end I was, for all practical intents and purposes, totally isolated from the others in the work environment.  I sat in my corner of the office and stared at the wall when not busy with work-related activities.  While they talked among themselves, I listened to my iPod which my manager had given me permission to have.  I initiated no conversations with any of them unless it was work-related.  I ate my supper alone.  If they went out and brought back coffee from a local coffee shop off grounds, I went to the other, larger office where the managers had their office and made myself a cup of instant.  I often felt so isolated in the workplace that when someone from a different part of the plant came to my window and asked a question, I would pantomime the response.  I had to remind myself when leaving for the day that it was OK to talk now.   When was there an opportunity for me to verbally threaten these people many of whom were head and shoulders bigger than I am?  When?

I had learned many coping techniques and was dealing with the total isolation until....

Until ... these co-workers began running to management who immediately reported anything reported to them to HR.  It didn't matter what.  Saying hello to a co-worker.  Telling a co-worker who was standing in the middle of the room waving her arms that she had hurt me.    Every mistake I made, no matter how minor, was immediately reported to my manager who began a file on me.  Getting called into my supervisor's office became commonplace.  I was threatened with discipline routinely.  You wanna talk about stress?  I was under a brutal amount of stress, and still finding ways to deal with it and cope. 

Through my tears, I read the document twice.  Through my tears, I heard the union representative read the legally binding agreement which would end my relationship with the company, ending six years of employment.  Also effectively ending my working life.  Something I didn't know at the time.

It all seemed so unreal.  I think I was in a state of shock.

I still didn't understand the seriousness of the situation as, from my perspective, the union rep was holding in his hands concrete proof that I was actively being bullied by these co-workers.  I was still working on getting him to understand that.

In fact, he had once said after an international convention of local union officials held in the United States in which he was supposed to talk to officials in the large union we were affiliated with, not our little shop union, that the consensus of opinion was that it was in the best interests of the employer that I be totally separated from them.

He told me that if I did not sign that agreement, I would have to return to work when my six weeks of disability ended.  I was hoping that my disability would be extended as I knew that I was not ready to go back to work yet.  I still hadn't reached where I had been when I came back to work the first time.  I could not read or follow recipes which contained more than three or four ingredients.  I could not talk without a severe stutter.  There was more, much more.  I just can't remember them all at this time.

According to the binding union agreement, I was entitled to 52 weeks of short-term disability.  I had used 10, so I had 42 more potentially.  

At this point, I was hanging on to the hope that the specialist who I was to see just before my six weeks off was over would sign me off for additional time off.

I knew that I was not well enough, not strong enough, to return to that environment.  I felt that if was forced to return to the situation as it was in the current state I was in that I would likely commit suicide.  I'd worked too hard, too long, to stay alive, to heal, to recover, to want to put myself in that position now.  

At this point, I'm not I really understood what was happening at that doughnut shop.  First off, I had no idea a "complaint" had been made against me.  I was never advised of any complaint or investigation into one and, therefore, was not involved in any investigation.  I felt like I'd been hit in the gut without warning. 

I never saw this coming.

I did have the presence of mind to ask the union representative about an investigation and was told that since I wasn't planning on returning anyway, there wasn't any reason for one.

?

If there was one, I was never made aware of it or involved in it.

Mexican justice at its worst.

At that point the only thing I think I really understood is that I was in a fight for my life (i.e. suicide) and that going back with probably sign my death warrant.

I was not given the opportunity to take the paperwork home and think about it.  Or to take it to a lawyer.

I felt that I had to sign then and there.

With tears still streaming down my face, devastated and distraught, I signed while the union representative looked at me dispassionately like one would look at a lesser life form, an insect for example..

After signing, I asked for a copy of the "complaint".  He denied my request.

It was only later, as I analyzed everything that I realized just how thoroughly I had been played.

*******

Not only does this posting opens up a Pandora's box of significant issues regarding what constitutes a valid complaint, company polities regarding such complaints and their investigation, etc., but it also brings back all the memories.

It brings back the helplessness I experienced not only during the entire four year episode but especially that day in the doughnut shop with only the union representative in attendance.  No HR in attendance.  No friend to intervene.  I was alone.  With the union representative, the "complaint" in front of me, starring at the company's resolution to the issue.  Alone.  Distraught. Devastated.

I've tried to recount what happened that day as objectively as I can.  Facts only.  Leaving out my opinions, perceptions, assumptions.  Those will come in later posts.

For now, I'm exhausted emotionally.  It's time to draw back - at least for a few hours - to re-center myself.  To remind myself that fair or unfair, it's over.

There is never a delete button in life.  What's done is done.  We can only go forward from here.

We just have to find the courage to do so.

Until tomorrow....

Add caption

Surviving Workplace Abuse: Why leaving an abusive workplace without further injury is difficult - part 2 of the continuing story

The wake of a motor boat going faster than it should in a narrow area threatened to swamp and capsize our little canoe

We ventured out in a canoe onto what is called Nature's Playground:  the 30,000 island area near Parry Sound, Ontario on Georgian Bay.  We made the mistake of putting our little, tipsy canoe into the water on Labour Day, a day when many people are out on the lakes in their pleasure craft enjoying the last holiday of summer.  We also made the mistake of putting in at a narrows where there's only so much space for the wake of a motorized boat to go.  We tried to protect ourselves by paddling into a little cove.  It turned out to be not the best idea we've ever had.  We had rocks in front of us and a rock wall behind.  We had boats coming from three different directions.  Every time one of them passed, the wake from it would come at us and threaten to capsize us.  Trying to get out of this cove turned out to be problematic too.  There was just too much traffic going too fast and not able to see us.  Finally, hubby said "Now!" and we paddled as fast as we could out of that cove and across the open water of the inlet to the far side.  Ever tried to outrace a motor boat when you're paddling a canoe?  Try it sometime.  If you want to get your adrenaline up.

Being caught up in workplace bullying is similar to being stuck in that cove.  It's not a safe place to be.  There are currents which threaten to swamp the target.  And it's a hard place to escape from.

*******

As far as I was concerned, my co-workers had won not just the battle, but the war.

As far as I was concerned:  it was over.  I had failed.  I was giving up in defeat.  Bruised and "bloodied" (emotionally) from the battle.  I'd gone as far as I could, and there was no longer anything left to give.

All I could do now was focus on surviving my psychiatric injuries and figuring out where to go from here.

However, the question arises:  were they i.e. the adversaries aware of that?

I cannot emphasize strongly enough that after I left work that final time not knowing that I was in the beginnings of a second stress breakdown from my trainee's behaviour, not knowing that I would never enter that building - or any building in the compound for that matter - again, there was not any direct - or as for as I know indirect - communication with those who were "on the other side".  The adversaries.  They had no way of knowing anything about the situation I was in, the decisions I was making to leave the workplace.  Nothing.

I did have some decent relationships with some of the other employees, those who chose to stay out of the situation, but I chose not to contact any of those co-workers in what I now realize was a futile attempt to protect myself from the bullies.

After my supervisor inquired about whether or not I wanted to continue with the scheduled meeting, step 1 of the grievance procedure and I responded in the negative, I had no further communication with her or anyone else in management or HR at that company at all.

According to the company's policy on sick leave, the manager was supposed to be in communication with the worker every two weeks, I believe, to see how the worker was progressing and when he/she might be expected to return to work.

That never happened.

However, a union representative called me out of the blue one day shortly after my last communication with the supervisor.  I didn't expect it, yet I welcomed it thinking that finally there was someone there to support me.  To represent me.  As it had become apparent in the journey that the high-ranking union rep in our work area had become aligned with the adversaries.

Assumptions and perceptions on my part.  Or should I say:  misperceptions.

I have to assume that he had to have been told something by someone as since we had never met or had any communication with each other, that was the other way he would have contacted me.  If someone had told him to.  Other than osmosis, of course.  (I'm not a big fan of osmosis.)

I went into my usual pattern of trying to inform him about workplace bullying, what it is, how my story fits into the perception of workplace abuse.

I feel now, in retrospect and in light of further events, that I wasted my breath, my time and my energy.

My psychiatrist had given me six weeks off and then he was going to evaluation me further to see if I needed more time off, more separation, from the workplace in order to recover.  About two weeks before that six seek period was up, the union rep called me and wanted to meet.  I was on my way to the chiropractor's due to some serious pain in my back.  I couldn't drive, so he offered to drive me.  I didn't see any harm in that.  My antennae weren't warning me of any danger, so I accepted the offer.

Beware of union reps who appear out of the blue and offer rides.  They're as much to be aware, and wary, of as HR people - and bullies.

My problem is, I'm naive.  I was naive with management.  I was naive with HR.  I was naive with the union rep.  I thought these people would realize how harmful the situation was and work to resolve it.  To protect me from bullying in the workplace.  Instead, to a man - or woman, as the case may be - each one, in turn, turned on me and went to the "other side" of the equation.

I became the problem.  I became the bully.  I was perceived in a negative light.

I didn't become aware that this union rep might have a hidden agenda until he was driving me home from the chiropractor's officer and "missed" the turn to my street.  I said something about needing to turn here.  He responded that he was taking me out for a coffee.  I still didn't clue in that something was amiss.

The entire conversation up to the point in which we entered the doughnut shop, ordered our coffees and sat down had been with me still trying to get him to understand what workplace bullying was and how the facts, the research, lined up with what I had experienced.

*******

It's time to close for today.  Ironically, the weather outside my window as I type this is stormy matching the storm swirling inside me that day in the doughnut shop.  Thunder booming outside my window.  Lightning.  Rain pouring down.  The lights flickering.  Definitely a situation to be careful of.

I wish human interactions came with such clear warning signs and signals.  But they don't.

Until Monday ....

Surviving Workplace Abuse: A Piece of My Story - Leaving the Situation - Part 1

Our lives are basically a masterpiece in the making. A gorgeous and valuable work of art.  In the tapestry of our lives are many colours depicting many different incidents - some good, some bad; some joyful like a birth or a wedding; some painful like a death or an accident ... or workplace bullying - but they are all woven together in such a way that no one individual colour or incident predominates.  Each life experience combines to make the whole.

In this picture, taken back in 2008 in Huntsville, Ontario where Tom Thompson, a well-known Canadian artist, made his home, we see a man copying one of Tom Thompson's paintings onto a huge canvas which will later be hung on a building somewhere in the city centre.  If you look closely, you will see that he's working off a photograph of the painting so that he can duplicate it as close to possible to the original piece of artwork.

Our lives are like the original painting.  Not the copy.  Our lives and experiences are unique to us.  We are a one-of-a-kind masterpiece.

*******

Today I begin telling the story of my experiencing leaving the toxic workplace.  It is not an easy story to write.  There are still a lot of unresolved hurts, questions - especially the Why? question - even after more than three years or persistent recovery for which there are no answers.  Therefore, these questions taunt and torment my mind.  Writing about the experience brings up not only the memories but also the feelings associated with the memories:  anger; voicelessness; helplessness; hopelessness - and so on.  It is not a simple story, either.  Workplace bullying is complicated.  Each day a new scenario, a new challenge.  Some worse then others.  Always different.

It is also not a simple story because you have to realize that there are two sides or rather two opposing viewpoints here:  theirs and mine.

I'm not telling their story here.  Partially because it's their story; it's not mine to tell.  Partially because in reality I don't know what their story is.  I don't know why they singled me out in the first place.  I don't know why they kept it up for four years.  I don't know why they did what they did.  I only know what they did.   I don't know anything about the currents i.e. gossip going around in the office when I was not there, both before my two breakdowns and after.

I simply don't know.

Yet ...

Yet ... I have reasonable grounds based on my senses, observation and things which can be documented such as their complaint against me to my manager two days after my second stress breakdown on alleged "ethical" grounds, to form an opinion as to what might have been going on in the office when I was absent.

As I've recounted before in this blog, I had a second stress breakdown just five working days after returning to work from the first.  My family doctor didn't feel I was ready to return to work after the first one, but her hands were tied.  She could only give me two weeks off.  After that, I had to be booked off by a specialist - in this case a psychiatrist.

In our area - and in our socialized medicine set up here in Canada - it's very hard to see certain specialists in a timely manner.  I'd been on a waiting list for a consult for months - and still had months to go when I experienced the first stress breakdown.  Because I had the breakdown and went to the crisis clinic at the hospital and saw a mental health nurse, I was fast-tracked to see a psychiatrist just days later.  He spent maybe 15 minutes with me, decided I was bi-polar with mixed personality disorder and prescribed some medicine.  Personally, I didn't feel that he was able to make an accurate assessment in such a short amount of time.  I was not satisfied either with his diagnosis - and neither were most of the people who know me well.  I know people with bi-polar disorder i.e. manic depressive, and I don't have those symptoms.  But that was all I had.

 I was booked to see a specialist who had started a private practice the day after I returned to work and we were hoping that he would see that I was not ready to return yet.  That didn't happen.  Unfortunately, it was the same specialist I'd seen when I was fast-tracked a few weeks before.

Just five working days later, I was off again - much worse off then I had been the first time.  I was booked off for six weeks this time.  Six weeks in which the specialist was hoping that medication and time would do their healing thing.

It might have worked ... IF ....

As I've already recounted, my workplace was calling me at home due to the other side's getting on my Facebook, not liking what they saw and then going to management with their allegations that I had violated ethical issues with that post.

In those five working days between stress breakdowns, I had contacted management and asked what they were doing to protect me from frivolous complaints in the workplace - which was causing undue stress and illness.  Management refused to talk to me.  The Union representative said she would file a grievance for me.

When we met, we met in the open cafeteria just outside the office I worked in - plainly visible to everyone who might have a vested interest in what was happening.  According to this union representative, I could only file a grievance based on what was in the binding union contract i.e. safety from psychological harassment i.e. bullying was not in the contract so, therefore, I could not file a grievance on those grounds.  The grievance ended up being based on harassment.  I was not allowed to give any details, names, etc.  It was just a very general grievance citing harassment.  No details at all.

I vaguely remember one of the co-workers who was involved in the incidents standing behind me unmoving while this was going on.  The union representative didn't say anything, so I didn't either.

I was too afraid of this particular co-worker to say anything.  I continually felt as though I was walking on eggshells around this person.

In light of things that happened afterwards while I was absent from the workplace not intending to return, I wonder ....  What was she doing there?  Was she deliberately listening in?

A meeting was scheduled to discuss this grievance; however, before it could happen I had the second stress breakdown.  I did receive an email from my manager asking me if I wanted to pursue this meeting.  I replied that I was way too ill i.e. too fragile and vulnerable, to pursue it at that time.  I also reminded the supervisor - again - in writing that I was off sick in order to recover and asked her to respect that.

The next thing I knew, another union official (when I talk about the union I'm talking about our shop union, not the bigger union we were affiliated with), contacted me out of the blue.  I was a bit wary as I knew that this union official and the one in our work area were related.  You never know how much cross communication there is - or isn't - between relatives.

At this point, as far as I was concerned I was making the decision that returning to that work environment was definitely not in my best interests.  At that time, I was trying to figure out how to leave.  It never occurred to me to just write a letter to HR saying in effect "I quit".  I was too ill to think clearly.

My GFA (Global Functioning Assessment) was somewhere in the 60s - which appears to be the dividing line between capable and incapable.

Also, as far as I was concerned, the grievance was moot.  I was not mentally or emotionally capable of pursuing it without incurring further injury.  Besides, since I was not prepared to return to that situation, why pursue it?  As far as I was concerned, these people had won.

The problem was that these people don't appear to have been aware that they had won.

*******

This appears to be a good stopping place for today.

Two sides.  Two viewpoints.  Neither one in communication with the other.

A situation ripe for gossip, innuendo, etc.

I don't know what was happening in the office, but every one of my senses was on high alert after the phone call about the "ethics" violation.

I hoped that things were calming down in the office and that they would savour their victory and allow me to fade away in peace.

BUT ....

A statue of Tom Thompson.  In the background, a reproduction of one of is paintings hung on a building in Huntsville, Ontario.

Until tomorrow ....

Surviving Workplace Abuse: Leaving an abusive situation is no guarantee it would stop

The photo above - and at the end of today's blog as well - were taken immediately after a fierce wind storm hit our area in 2013 downing trees, power lines, blocking roads, etc.  It was fierce, but brief, in its intensity leaving damage that took weeks to clear away.  I don't know the exact cost to the municipality, but I do know the clean up was costly and time consuming.

Workplace abuse leaves intensive destruction in its wake as well, but the damage is invisible - unless a physical act of violence happens.  The damage is psychological in nature.  I've covered some of the affects I've experienced since I left the workplace.  

In the event of a natural catastrophe such as the windstorm in our area, the city pays the costs.  It's in the news.  It's visible.  It's an event.

However, in the event of bullying, none of the above seems to apply.

******* 

In a previous blog, "Surviving Workplace Abuse: The target's only option left - to leave",  I mentioned the facilitator's comments to one of the participants in a conflict resolution workshop I attended.  Basically, no matter what kind of conflict resolution this woman learned in that workshop would be of no use to her as she was actively being bullied by a co-worker and HR, management and the union had all "signed off" on the matter.  They had all abdicated their responsibilities for this woman and her welfare in the workplace.  According to our facilitator, this woman had no option but to make an exit plan and follow through with it.

I believe now that although the facilitator appeared callous, she was right.

However, the problem is:  leaving may be easier said than done - depending on how far the bullying has gone, has far through the workplace i.e. the other co-workers it has gone and how determined the bullies are to not let go of the target.

Some years ago, I read an article in a Toronto paper which shocked me.  It was about a teenaged girl who was being bullied badly in her high school.  So badly that the parents made the decision to move to a different area of the city so that the girl would attend a different school.  A drastic move to make.  Unfortunately, it didn't work.  According to this article, the bullies followed this girl to her new neighbourhood, her new house and continued the bullying there.  I don't remember all the particulars because I think I read this article approximately 20 years ago - and it really didn't concern me at all.  I wasn't being bullied.  I was fine.  I remember it because I was so dismayed at the lengths these bullies were going to to continue bullying someone.  Their determination not to let go of their victim - no matter what.

I thought it was an isolated incident.  Now I wonder....

*******

Continuing to something more recent.  Hubby found a story of school bullying on the net in which the bullies refused to let go of their target even after she was dead.  Sladjana Vidovic, a 16 year old in a high school near Cleveland, Ohio was originally from Bosnia.  She was targeted for bullying by her female peers.  She was also one of four students (both male and female) who killed themselves in a two year period in her high school because of bullying.  Even though she "removed" herself from the situation by committing suicide, according to her family the bullying didn't stop with her death.

Sladjana's sister, Susana, found her sister's body hanging on the front lawn.  She recounts about her sister's wake:

The family watched ... as the girls who had tormented Sladjana for months walked up to the casket — and laughed.

"They were laughing at the way she looked," Suzana says, crying. "Even though she died."

*******

There have been other examples as well which have been brought up in the news media such as a gay high school student who also committed suicide.  Even though those who bullied him had, in effect, won (assuming there are winners and losers in this sort of things), the bullying continued - on his social medial page.  Comments such as saying they were glad he was dead, etc.

The average person would say "how awful".  However, the average - or perhaps not so average - bully doesn't see it that way.

*******

These examples are all from high school bullying.  Why aren't there examples from workplace bullying?  We would like to think that these cases are exceptions to the rule. A rarity.  Yet, after my "final" experience(s) in the workplace I wonder....

We're getting into some deep territory here, at least for me.  I've already written about my former co-workers accessing my Facebook account, recognizing themselves in a fairly general status statement, and taking that to management alleging an ethics violation.

If that was the end of my story, it would be bad enough. Damaging enough.

However, I found out weeks later, that their actions didn't stop there.  I discovered what lengths they were willing to go to even though I was for all practical intents and purposes removed from the workplace at that time.  I also  discovered how many of my co-workers were now involved.

Recovery ...

Inside I've resembled the severely broken tree pictured above.  Outside ... I appear like every other person.

The damage is real, just invisible.

Until Monday.