Post Workplace Abuse Debunking the Lies: When Life Intervenes

Life intervened with a crash - literally - one day in late November 2012.

I was already on a stretch on my road to recovery which at that time resembled more of a struggle with a very strong opponent who was determined not to give up any ground then a road or a path.

Then came the crash.  I broke my wrist.  I wrote a post about that period of time in my life called The Worst Six and a Half Weeks of my Life which talked a bit about the impact of my mom's death on my journey and how during the fall of 2012 I was literally unable to function - before I fell and broke my wrist.  Also, how because my journey is through trauma and PTSD post workplace abuse rather than a physical cause such as cancer, it was not understood by those around me who would have been in a position to offer some help i.e. my church and, therefore, I was virtually walking through it alone, unaided.

Today though, I want to look on the impact that one slice of life, that of breaking my wrist, had on debunking the lies.  In a way no one would ever have thought - least of all me.

When all was said and done and the cast came off revealing a swollen, painful mess, it became apparent that I would need therapy to regain the use of my wrist.

By that time, we had no benefits.  Mine had ended with my job more than a year earlier.  My husband's had ended with his.  Yes, you heard right.  We were both jobless - and for all intents and purposes still are - at the same time.  His job of 14 years ended with the decline of development in our area which was concurrently at the same time my exit package from the workplace ended.  So we had gone from two incomes and two sets of benefits to 0 - in the same timeframe.

Hubby managed to get a job for six weeks here, another part-time for a while there, etc.  At the time I broke my wrist, he had been working steadily for a company for the better part of a year and things looked promising.  In fact, according to the promises made at the interview, he was to receive benefits after three months.  By the time I broke my wrist, he had worked there for over six months. By the time the cast came off and therapy was needed, he had worked there approximately - or almost - eight months.

So the perception and assumption would be that he had benefits through his employer which would cover therapy for my wrist.  However, I had a niggling sense that something was not right.  Nothing I could put my finger on, just a sense.  I couldn't even put it into words really at that time.  And I still can't now - over a year later.

Wrong.  His boss had never signed him up for benefits.

Worse yet, when we inquired if he had benefits, he was laid off two hours later.

Although we asked directly and were told that his lay off had nothing to do with the inquiry re: benefits, and my need of them for therapy, I'm afraid that my entire cognitive, intuitive skill set along with logic and common sense were screaming big time that the lack of benefits was why he was laid off.

So there we were.  Our sole income suddenly yanked out from under us.  No benefits.  No pay check.  No warning.

*******

I'm sure you've all heard the saying:  "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

By that time, I was very tired of making lemons with some very sour lemons - and I'm not all that fond of lemonade to begin with, so I took the first part of one saying and the second part of another and came up with this one:

"When life gives you lemons, get the hell out of Dodge!"

So we did.  We went to North Myrtle Beach because I needed desperately to think, to pray, to get my head together.  I needed to get out of the situation here for a while.

This is actually where the great search for the web cam described in yesterday's blog occurred.  This is where the beginning of confronting the lie about perceptions and assumptions began.

This is where life began to change for me.  Where a significant piece on the road to recovery began.  Not in a 180 degree circle in one full sweep.  But slowly. One small pivot at a time.

Using our combined skills to find the earth cam and to realize that there was indeed a skill set there.  That we had to act upon our perceptions and assumptions not only to find the thing, but also in life.  As well, the beginnings of the realization that everyone has their own set of perceptions and assumptions and that does not make them bad people.  It simply makes them human and able to navigate through life.  It is what it is.  Perceptions - and assumptions - are what they are.  Period.

*******

Today's post serves as a bridge.  A piece of background.  A sort of passage from one experience in the side path of debunking the lies of perception and assumption to another side path which not only is equally valuable but led to another breakthrough in debunking the lie.

Today, may you enjoy whatever path in life you find yourself on.

Until tomorrow ....

Togetherness ...

... is what I said to my former apartment superintendents a couple of decades ago when I saw them side by side in the building lobby painting the mailboxes.  What I meant as a joke got a sour grimace.  Turns out these two bears weren't getting along together very well at that particular moment in space and time.  Growly.  Snarly.  At each other.  They may have been working side by side but they definitely weren't enjoying it or feeling very close to each other.

Since that incident, the word "togetherness" has become a shared catchwork between my ever-lovin', ever sufferin' den mate, Papa Bear, and myself.

Togetherness ...

... is more than just a catchword.  A shared joke.  In marriage, togetherness is the glue that holds the couple together, making things work better, greasing the wheels.

Togetherness.

Papa Bear and I recently had a shared "togetherness" experience.

We had travelled to North Myrtle Beach, SC after Papa Bear became unemployed - again.  We've been there before and have enjoyed the slower pace, the sounds of the surf, the sun, the difference in climate from southern Ontario to southern U.S.

Papa Bear has also enjoyed surfing the net and finding web cams.  One he has particularly enjoyed watching is earth cam myrtle beach, sc.  So when we decided to go to Myrtle Beach, we determined to find the web cam and, if possible, phone our daughters while standing in front of it.

Thus began a weeklong search for the web cam.  We had many delightful experiences looking for it in all the wrong places - like North Myrtle Beach near the pier.  The beach was delightful, but alack! and alas! no sign of a boardwalk like the cam shows.  The boardwalk was our  first visual cue.  The flags the second.  But where was it?  We thought it was in front of some hotels.  We were wrong.  We thought it was in North Myrtle beach, where we were.  Wrong, again.

We had all but given up hope of ever finding the boardwalk and thus the web cam when I opened up a tourist brochure and Voila! there was a picture of the boardwalk complete with flags.  BUT the brochure didn't say where it was.  So I went on the world wide web and cued in the words:  "myrtle beach" and "boardwalk".  Voila! again.  I struck oil - or gold - or whatever.

Thus, we resurrected the great "earth cam search" once again (maybe this would make a good scenario for the Amazing Race, eh?  Looking for a web cam is kind of like looking for a needle in a haystack - without the haystack.)

 With Papa Bear at the wheel, we started off again.  This time to Myrtle Beach.  Yes.  You've read right.  There is a North Myrtle Beach and a Myrtle Beach, SC.  Kind of like my own Kitchener-Waterloo - twin cities which run into each other.  We still had some fun as Papa Bear kept turning to the beach too early.  But it was still fun.  The sunset was the palest pink that evening.  Like an artist sweeping the sand, sky and ocean with the purest of pastels.

And then we found it!  The Boardwalk.  Right in the heart of tourist trap Myrtle Beach!  We wandered down to the boardwalk.  Craning our necks to find the earth cam.  And then Papa Bear cried out!  There are the flags!  We're in the area.  So we really started to look around in earnest, craning our necks, looking up.

 It was Papa Bear who found the location, i.e. the flags, and then the earth cam.

 Hint:  if you're looking for the cam in my pictures, look up in the middle of the green building and there it is!  Small.  But an ever-seeing eye.  Virtually unnoticed by most walkers-by.

We whipped out our cell phone and called first one daughter then the other and then the other in turn (three in total).  Papa Bear instructed each one how to access the earth cam.  He's talking.  I'm waving - like an idiot - at a green building.  Passers by who had no idea a web cam was even in the area gave me some really interesting looks.  We had a ball talking with each daughter in turn as they watched us from several thousand miles away.  It was the highlight of our trip.  I would rate it as one of the best experiences of my recent history.

Togetherness.  Each of us has certain skill sets.  It took both our skill sets to find it.  Togetherness.  I wouldn't want to travel through life without it - or Papa Bear, my togetherness companion in this journey of life.